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 A Splendid Fellow's request:, Thank you, Cthulhu, dear chap...
A Splendid Fellow
Posted: Jul 10 2008, 04:24 PM


New Recruit


Group: Members
Posts: 2
Member No.: 65
Joined: 10-July 08



Greetings, honorable pasty-faced pale-faces and pearly-skinned outsiders. I am, if you had not noticed, a most splendid fellow. I was cruelly struck down not long ago by one squid-like creature which counts itself as one of you, and while I would count it as calamari, you fellows must have different tastes.

Now, this tentacled chap told me that I was a Kill-On-The-Spot Criminal. This is false. And while I do not look to be involved with one of your court cases - many which involve fines a poor, impoverished fellow like myself could never pay off - I feel I must explain myself.

I Kill-On-The-Spot, it is true, unless I miss one too many times, as Cold Seether discovered lately - aqnd it was close, my dear fellow, so, so close! But I am no criminal. I exist outside your boundaries, in the zone you pale-faces and the unclean Kingdom of Skulls have decreed a 'no-mans-land'. Well, No-Mans-Land it is no more (and techincally, never was). It is the Machete Roadblock. Myself and my most esteemed colleagues patrol this area, as we have for over a month or so, and kill all who cross the roadblock. Everyone. My own people as well as your squid-friendly, pale race. It is a public service, to decrease the likelyhood that hostile palefaces will wander into the Kingdom of Skulls and begin murdering the wives of warriors, and to ensure that no hotblooded warriors of the filthy island towns will rampage into your fine, honorable cluster of shacks.

Of course, it would not be a proper public service if one could not pay his or her way past a roadblock. Those which can afford it are likely the merchants and those who are not likely to plunder and murder, yes? A mere payment of five gold pieces to your local maintainer of the Machete Roadblock will give you a full 30 days worth of free, safe passage through this no-man's-land. A very reasonable rate, I might add, as several of my friends insisted that 1 coin per every three days would be better. But I cut that in half, as I recognize that some people, especially those who are straight off the boat, may be less fortunate in terms of pocket money.
And yes, we are looking for a easier way for our customers to deliver said payment, and in a safer fashion. We're currently looking into a deal with a bank, but communication is less than perfect.

However, I am no criminal. I am, after all, a splendidly reasonable fellow with no laws binding me that I can break. If we are payed, you will not die. It is exceedingly simple. Surely, even the Kingdom of Skulls would not have my head for such a public service with such clear, simple rules. And the Kingdom of Skulls will have a person's head for anything at all.

So my request is this - pay the Roadblock before you attempt to cross it. It is not such a hard request, is it?


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The Machete Roadblock! Give your Money or Give your Life!
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Master Lucky
Posted: Jul 10 2008, 06:15 PM


Eastern Elite


Group: Eastern Federation
Posts: 754
Member No.: 37
Joined: 11-December 07



Why pay you if i can also kill you? dry.gif

As to why you have been killed, if you have a certain amount of Derby kills, you are considered a threat to Derby and it's citizens. That's why you're KOS.


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user posted image

Weren't the '70s great? Back then, you could bang anything you wanted, take all the drugs you wanted, smoke, drink and hate the country. What's happening these days is a disgrace. Nobody's protesting any more, nobody can get good 'ludes and rock bands don't wear good makeup.
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Elegost
Posted: Jul 10 2008, 11:42 PM


The Lone Ranger


Group: Privateers
Posts: 1,513
Member No.: 22
Joined: 4-November 07



New meaning to KOS - Kill On the Spot tongue.gif

Hmmmm... I don't see why we should pay a toll to someone who doesn't belong to any form of public service. I mean, our taxes should go to the improvement of the area. Not for passage through a machete thingy-bingy.


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Elegost

AKA, The Blue Mod

Level 1337 Threadomancer
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Kilshrek
Posted: Jul 11 2008, 03:12 AM


The Old Consul


Group: Admin
Posts: 1,086
Member No.: 11
Joined: 29-October 07



Too much Pratchett for you son. And more to the point, being a highwayman is not such a good career choice. We will discuss this matter with the Kingdom, and decide on how best to handle your request. Until then please do refrain from taking lives unnecessarily. It causes much agitation all round, and tends to make you realise you've made the wrong people very angry.


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Nobblyesse obligay!
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James Barnes
Posted: Jul 11 2008, 03:02 PM


Administratus Maximus


Group: Admin
Posts: 2,141
Member No.: 1
Joined: 28-October 07



QUOTE (A Splendid Fellow @ Jul 10 2008, 11:24 AM)
Greetings, honorable pasty-faced pale-faces and pearly-skinned outsiders. I am, if you had not noticed, a most splendid fellow. I was cruelly struck down not long ago by one squid-like creature which counts itself as one of you, and while I would count it as calamari, you fellows must have different tastes.

Now, this tentacled chap told me that I was a Kill-On-The-Spot Criminal. This is false. And while I do not look to be involved with one of your court cases - many which involve fines a poor, impoverished fellow like myself could never pay off - I feel I must explain myself.

I Kill-On-The-Spot, it is true, unless I miss one too many times, as Cold Seether discovered lately - aqnd it was close, my dear fellow, so, so close! But I am no criminal. I exist outside your boundaries, in the zone you pale-faces and the unclean Kingdom of Skulls have decreed a 'no-mans-land'. Well, No-Mans-Land it is no more (and techincally, never was). It is the Machete Roadblock. Myself and my most esteemed colleagues patrol this area, as we have for over a month or so, and kill all who cross the roadblock. Everyone. My own people as well as your squid-friendly, pale race. It is a public service, to decrease the likelyhood that hostile palefaces will wander into the Kingdom of Skulls and begin murdering the wives of warriors, and to ensure that no hotblooded warriors of the filthy island towns will rampage into your fine, honorable cluster of shacks.

Of course, it would not be a proper public service if one could not pay his or her way past a roadblock. Those which can afford it are likely the merchants and those who are not likely to plunder and murder, yes? A mere payment of five gold pieces to your local maintainer of the Machete Roadblock will give you a full 30 days worth of free, safe passage through this no-man's-land. A very reasonable rate, I might add, as several of my friends insisted that 1 coin per every three days would be better. But I cut that in half, as I recognize that some people, especially those who are straight off the boat, may be less fortunate in terms of pocket money.
And yes, we are looking for a easier way for our customers to deliver said payment, and in a safer fashion. We're currently looking into a deal with a bank, but communication is less than perfect.

However, I am no criminal. I am, after all, a splendidly reasonable fellow with no laws binding me that I can break. If we are payed, you will not die. It is exceedingly simple. Surely, even the Kingdom of Skulls would not have my head for such a public service with such clear, simple rules. And the Kingdom of Skulls will have a person's head for anything at all.

So my request is this - pay the Roadblock before you attempt to cross it. It is not such a hard request, is it?

Interesting argument, my dear fellow, but you miss a vital point. If no laws bind you, that means no laws protect you. By obeying laws, we of Derby bind ourselves implicitly to an unspoken compact that says, in return for obeying laws, we will be protected by those same laws. While it may or may not be true that you are not bound by the laws of the Kingdom of Skulls or the Eastern Federation (that is up for them to decide, and I technically hold no position with either, now), that would also means neither of them protects you. And, since you attack their people (even with such a novel justification as yours), it is only reasonable that they would attack you back.

And again, I hold no position with the EF. This is just my thinking on the matter.
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A Splendid Fellow
Posted: Jul 11 2008, 06:57 PM


New Recruit


Group: Members
Posts: 2
Member No.: 65
Joined: 10-July 08



QUOTE (Elegost @ Jul 10 2008, 11:42 PM)
New meaning to KOS - Kill On the Spot tongue.gif

Hmmmm... I don't see why we should pay a toll to someone who doesn't belong to any form of public service. I mean, our taxes should go to the improvement of the area. Not for passage through a machete thingy-bingy.

Did you not read my statement, good sir? It is a most beneficial public service. Not long ago, I personally cut apart a pair of Wiksik warriors who, had very nearly passed the Roadblock, and were hungrily eyeing your hovels. By paying the Roadblock, we would not only not hinder your progress - should you have the sudden need to traverse the island - but we also protect your town from bloodthirsty natives.
Of course, we protect Wiksik from your hotblooded young soldiers - and make them much the wiser for it, I might add, and thus, it is a very balanced Public Service for all people.

QUOTE (Kilshrek @ Jul 11 2008, 03:12 AM)
Too much Pratchett for you son. And more to the point, being a highwayman is not such a good career choice. We will discuss this matter with the Kingdom, and decide on how best to handle your request. Until then please do refrain from taking lives unnecessarily. It causes much agitation all round, and tends to make you realise you've made the wrong people very angry.


Indeed? I have reread my initial request and I cannot fathom how you would find it as comical as Pratchett at all. I am completely serious about this all. Indeed, I have never formally approached the Kingdom as of yet, but I'll be sure to call upon them soon enough.

And I am no highwayman. The very idea! Highwaymen tend to demand payment for every single journey a traveler makes, while the Roadblock demands payment for every six journeys (assuming a person makes a journey everyday, of course).

And as for the disembodied voice which I can only assume belongs to the ghost of some dead paleface, the only laws which bind me are the laws of the Roadblock - If they've payed in the last 30 days, let them pass the Machete Roadblock. And that which binds our customers - if you've payed in the last 30 days, and you meet a member of the Roadblock within the Roadblock, just keep on walking.

They are good laws, no? I stay outside of your realm, I keep the laws of the Roadblock. You don't see me traipsing into Derby, and trying to set up the Roadblock on your steets. It is one of those things which simply Isn't Done. If you are at all as splendid as I, as impossible as that may seem, you would return the favor, no?


--------------------
The Machete Roadblock! Give your Money or Give your Life!
Top
Elegost
Posted: Jul 12 2008, 12:38 PM


The Lone Ranger


Group: Privateers
Posts: 1,513
Member No.: 22
Joined: 4-November 07



Well then. There's at least one person you won't be wrenching gold from. And that's me. Sorry. My comrades might think differently, but you won't get anything from me.


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Elegost

AKA, The Blue Mod

Level 1337 Threadomancer
Top
Cthulhu
Posted: Jul 14 2008, 03:43 AM


Magistrate of Death


Group: Privateers
Posts: 2,138
Member No.: 2
Joined: 28-October 07



Well hello Splendid one. Yes, I struck you down and if you come into Derby or anywhere within a days travel of Derby I will strike you down again as I percieve you as a threat to the good people of Derby.

Now, if you want to charge a fee for crossing your machete road block, then by all means go for it. I imagine you'll end up being killed alot more than recieveing payment but that's just my opinion.

As for myself, I won't pay a fee to walk any path on this island, but that's how I roll smile.gif


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Beware Cthulhu's mighty shovel! user posted image

Helbourne - The Land of Nasties wink.gif
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James Barnes
Posted: Jul 14 2008, 06:54 AM


Administratus Maximus


Group: Admin
Posts: 2,141
Member No.: 1
Joined: 28-October 07



QUOTE (Cthulhu @ Jul 13 2008, 10:43 PM)
that's how I roll smile.gif

I thought you rolled by lying on your side and turning over again and again. It helps if you're heading down an incline.
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Elegost
Posted: Jul 14 2008, 11:39 PM


The Lone Ranger


Group: Privateers
Posts: 1,513
Member No.: 22
Joined: 4-November 07



QUOTE (James Barnes @ Jul 14 2008, 02:54 PM)
QUOTE (Cthulhu @ Jul 13 2008, 10:43 PM)
that's how I roll smile.gif

I thought you rolled by lying on your side and turning over again and again. It helps if you're heading down an incline.

What if he curled up into a ball? Can't he roll too if he tries hard enough?


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Elegost

AKA, The Blue Mod

Level 1337 Threadomancer
Top
Kilshrek
Posted: Jul 15 2008, 02:50 AM


The Old Consul


Group: Admin
Posts: 1,086
Member No.: 11
Joined: 29-October 07



QUOTE (James Barnes @ Jul 14 2008, 06:54 AM)
QUOTE (Cthulhu @ Jul 13 2008, 10:43 PM)
that's how I roll smile.gif

I thought you rolled by lying on your side and turning over again and again. It helps if you're heading down an incline.

He has certain appendages to consider..


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Nobblyesse obligay!
Top
Elegost
Posted: Jul 15 2008, 04:16 AM


The Lone Ranger


Group: Privateers
Posts: 1,513
Member No.: 22
Joined: 4-November 07



QUOTE (Kilshrek @ Jul 15 2008, 10:50 AM)
QUOTE (James Barnes @ Jul 14 2008, 06:54 AM)
QUOTE (Cthulhu @ Jul 13 2008, 10:43 PM)
that's how I roll smile.gif

I thought you rolled by lying on your side and turning over again and again. It helps if you're heading down an incline.

He has certain appendages to consider..

Which leads to the next question. How many and how big are they to be able to hinder his rolling?


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Elegost

AKA, The Blue Mod

Level 1337 Threadomancer
Top
Master Lucky
Posted: Jul 15 2008, 06:58 PM


Eastern Elite


Group: Eastern Federation
Posts: 754
Member No.: 37
Joined: 11-December 07



QUOTE (Cthulhu @ Jul 14 2008, 04:43 AM)
As for myself, I won't pay a fee to walk any path on this island, but that's how I roll smile.gif

I 2nd this.


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user posted image

Weren't the '70s great? Back then, you could bang anything you wanted, take all the drugs you wanted, smoke, drink and hate the country. What's happening these days is a disgrace. Nobody's protesting any more, nobody can get good 'ludes and rock bands don't wear good makeup.
Top
Cthulhu
Posted: Jul 17 2008, 05:30 AM


Magistrate of Death


Group: Privateers
Posts: 2,138
Member No.: 2
Joined: 28-October 07



and we're all comedians now are we eh?


But an incline does help when one has appendages wink.gif


--------------------
Beware Cthulhu's mighty shovel! user posted image

Helbourne - The Land of Nasties wink.gif
Top
James Barnes
Posted: Jul 17 2008, 05:25 PM


Administratus Maximus


Group: Admin
Posts: 2,141
Member No.: 1
Joined: 28-October 07



QUOTE (Cthulhu @ Jul 17 2008, 12:30 AM)
and we're all comedians now are we eh?

Yes, but not very good ones.
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