Now That We're Done, I'm So Sorry

[Jeremy]

Ryder stared at him for a few telling seconds before turning away. So she is afraid of him... What had Ryder done to her to make her run away whenever he went anywhere near her? She wouldn't be afraid of him if he had just lied... In fact, the only people she had ever been afraid of were people who had... Oh, fucking hell.

"Earlier you said you lost your temper with her and scared her." The vampire was still facing the other way. Jeremy forced him to face him. "You hurt her. Physically. Don't even try to deny it, she's only afraid of people who abuse her. Fucking hell, man, I can't believe you..."

He shook his head. He knew he was right about this, too. Then he glared and snarled "So what, she said something that just annoyed you, so you decided to hurt her? Did it make you feel better, knowing you could physically dominate her and hurt her when she upset you?" He knew he was going too far, but he didn't care. This vampire had hurt his baby sister. Fuck him.

[Alistair Ryder]

"Earlier you said you lost your temper with her and scared her."

He should've known Jeremy would put two and two together, he was clever that way. In fact, right now he was far too clever for his own good. He'd even been turned to face his human friend so that Jeremy could look at his reactions when he went at it.

"You hurt her. Physically. Don't even try to deny it, she's only afraid of people who abuse her. Fucking hell, man, I can't believe you..."

It wasn't like he was proud of what he'd done, Jeremy should know that. Why did he seem to assume it had been something he'd been dying to do all along? Had Jeremy's intentions not been to enrage the vampire, he'd failed horribly. Then again, they did have a talent for yelling at each other.

When Jeremy spoke next he was glaring and snarling:

"So what, she said something that just annoyed you, so you decided to hurt her? Did it make you feel better, knowing you could physically dominate her and hurt her when she upset you?"

Where the human had wanted to go with this, Ryder didn't know, but it was rapidly heading towards another huge mistake. One he couldn't afford.

"Alright," he crossed his arms, fingers digging into his arms to keep himself from doing anything rash. "So I might have nicked her in an angry fit and given her a few bruises on her wrists." He had raised his voice slightly. "You think I enjoy being that guy? The fucking idiot that keeps hurting people?!"

Before anyone else could accept him for what he was, he needed to accept it himself, and maybe the first step he needed to take towards making up with Lilah was to forgive himself and let go of the bad things. He really was sorry for all the pain he kept causing people.

[Jeremy]

"Alright,"

Jeremy shut up.

"So I might have nicked her in an angry fit and given her a few bruises on her wrists."

Jeremy groaned. "You bit her?!"

"You think I enjoy being that guy? The fucking idiot that keeps hurting people?!"

"Well then why the hell do you keep hurting her?! It makes no fucking sense!" He yelled back. "Do you have that little self-control, that you can't stop yourself from hurting the girl you love?! Fuck, man." He took a step back from the vampire to give them both room to breathe, and to be a little less confrontational.

"Okay, I'm sorry I said that shit. But you need to try to get her back, you two need each other. You're gonna have to try really, really hard, though, you know. She won't come back to you easily."

[Alistair Ryder]

Jeremy groaned. "You bit her?!"

"You think I enjoy being that guy? The fucking idiot that keeps hurting people?!"

They were back at yelling at eachother, something they did with excellence.

"Well then why the hell do you keep hurting her?! It makes no fucking sense! Do you have that little self-control, that you can't stop yourself from hurting the girl you love?! Fuck, man."

He winced. It wasn't like he did it on purpose, so maybe Jeremy was right. Maybe he didn't have any self-control. But that didn't explain why it was so much easier to make both him and Lilah miserable than to just tell her things and be honest from the get-go.

Jeremy had been smart when he'd taken a step back, it was just the reminder he needed not to have a go at his best friend.

"Okay, I'm sorry I said that shit. But you need to try to get her back, you two need each other. You're gonna have to try really, really hard, though, you know. She won't come back to you easily."

"Don't you fucking apologize," he said, still a bit agitated. "I deserve much worse," he added and sighed. Seemed he'd calmed down a bit now and what Jeremy had said was finally sinking in.

Looking away from Jeremy for a little while, he realized that his friend couldn't be more correct about him needing Lilah at least: without her or his human friends, he was nothing but the devil's minion. Or worse, an indifferent zombie.

"I know I need her, but frankly, I'm not so sure she needs me any more than she needs any other dead guy." Ok, not the word he'd intended, but he couldn't think of anything else she really didn't need, so this was what he ended up saying.

"Fuck," he muttered as he sat down at the stairs and looked up at the drummer. "I really don't know what to do, but letting her be able to move around without having to be afraid of running into me very often seemed like a good place to start."

[Jeremy]

"Don't you fucking apologize,"

Before Jeremy could say 'Fuck you too,' his vampire friend continued.

"I deserve much worse,"

Jeremy winced as Ryder sighed. Did he really believe that? Jeremy wouldn't buy into it, not unless Ryder killed someone, which he knew he would never do. At least, he hoped Ryder would never kill anyone. But with a sire like his, he might just... No. He wouldn't, he wasn't like that, he was afraid of fights.

"I know I need her, but frankly, I'm not so sure she needs me any more than she needs any other dead guy."

Jeremy cringed at the wording. Little did the vampire know, but Lilah seemed to be a walking corpse without him. Maybe she wouldn't be if he hadn't hurt her so much. Maybe it wasn't just his absence doing that to her, maybe it was that coupled with all the pain he'd ever caused her.

"I really don't know what to do, but letting her be able to move around without having to be afraid of running into me very often seemed like a good place to start."

"I really hate to agree with you on that, but I do. She needs a little space, just for a little while. But she really does need you. I know you don't believe it, but if you saw the way she is now, you'd... I don't know, try to fucking fix it."

He sighed. "I mean, if you left her life completely, eventually she'd get over it, but it would take some time. And she'd never be the same. I don't think she'd ever be able to forget about you, even if she tried. You've done too much for her. Maybe not so much lately, but you have, and it's affected her."

[Alistair Ryder]

"I really hate to agree with you on that, but I do. She needs a little space, just for a little while. But she really does need you. I know you don't believe it, but if you saw the way she is now, you'd... I don't know, try to fucking fix it."

He'd have to go spy on her now, to see if Jeremy was correct. But could he do that without causing himself too much misery at the same time? Fuck that, he deserved to be miserable, he'd check up on her, his own well-being be damned.

"I mean, if you left her life completely, eventually she'd get over it, but it would take some time. And she'd never be the same. I don't think she'd ever be able to forget about you, even if she tried. You've done too much for her. Maybe not so much lately, but you have, and it's affected her."

Of course Jeremy had a way with words that made him realize he needed to do the right thing or no one would be happy. Shit, why hadn't he just let Seth keep the girl? Only one miserable then would've been himself and he would've recovered faster then than he would now if he didn't do something useful.

"You know, however bad things are right now, I think we both needed some space, we just weren't ready for things to happen so fast." No kidding, she'd moved in before she was done grieving Seth, with him having obvious feelings towards her. Maybe if they'd had more time, if they hadn't been so close from so early on, maybe things would've been easier.

"I'm not saying I'm letting her go, Jeremy, because I'm most definetly not." He smiled a little, uncomfortable with the whole situation. "Just, I dunno, I need some time to think. Then I'll make an elaborate plan for how to fix things. Meanwhile, you think you guys could, I dunno, replace me or something?" He thought it was better if Lilah thought the guys were completely on her side of this, because it sounded like she needed them more than he did right now.

[Jeremy]

"You know, however bad things are right now, I think we both needed some space, we just weren't ready for things to happen so fast."

He hated to agree, but it all did happen really fast. She had moved in with the vampire while she was still grieving and while he was very obviously in love with her.

"I'm not saying I'm letting her go, Jeremy, because I'm most definitely not."

"Good."

"Just, I dunno, I need some time to think. Then I'll make an elaborate plan for how to fix things. Meanwhile, you think you guys could, I dunno, replace me or something?"

"What, you mean like find a new bass player? Are you trying to make Lilah get over you or something? I think she'd see through the ruse. She's a smart girl." In the meantime, what was Jeremy supposed to do about the ex-couple? Okay, so Lilah had said she wouldn't take Ryder back, but she sounded like she wanted to be saying yes. He wanted to fix everything so his friends wouldn't be so miserable, but he was afraid that if he interfered, things would get worse.

[Alistair Ryder]

"What, you mean like find a new bass player? Are you trying to make Lilah get over you or something? I think she'd see through the ruse. She's a smart girl."

He winced, that wasn't how he'd meant it at all; he just didn't want the band to suffer because Lilah and him weren't talking. After all, they needed to promote their CD...

"A temporary replacement then," he said after a while. "Think about it, Jeremy: if you replace me, even just for one show, I'd be able to get lost in the crowd and see if I can't figure something out." He smiled a little, remembering how he'd done so many times before. "It wouldn't be the first time, and it would be better than stalking her just to see how she's holding up, agree?"

Of course, he would have a plan to go with this even if Jeremy didn't agreed that it was a good idea. The vampire knew he had to do something huge to make her even stay in the same room as him, and he got the feeling a single flower here and there wasn't going to cut it. But who had said he couldn't use their fans to convey his message of regret?

"Things have really gone to hell if the only way I can stay in a room with her is with lots of other people and without her knowledge..."

[Jeremy]

"A temporary replacement then. Think about it, Jeremy: if you replace me, even just for one show, I'd be able to get lost in the crowd and see if I can't figure something out. It wouldn't be the first time, and it would be better than stalking her just to see how she's holding up, agree?"

Jeremy thought about it for a minute, then begrudgingly agreed. "Alright, fine. Stalking her would be bad. You better think of something big, because as it stands, she won't even look at you."

"Things have really gone to hell if the only way I can stay in a room with her is with lots of other people and without her knowledge..."

Jeremy snorted. "No shit. I still can't believe you actually got physical with her," he said, ignoring the vampire's wince, "She's fucking terrified of you. And you've always been so gentle with her..." He shook his head in utter amazement at the situation. Because that's what it was, wasn't it? A desperate, horrible situation.

"I's offer to talk to her for you, but I think she'd start avoiding me, too, if I did that." He sighed. What was he supposed to do about his disaster-prone friends?

[Alistair Ryder]

"Things have really gone to hell if the only way I can stay in a room with her is with lots of other people and without her knowledge..."

The vampire was relived that his friend agreed that it'd be better to do a show than to plain old stalk her, because a show might be just what he needed to begin to tell her just how sorry he was.

"No shit. I still can't believe you actually got physical with her,"

he winced. He knew that all too well.

"She's fucking terrified of you. And you've always been so gentle with her..."

The vampire winced again. He knew how bad things were, he didn't need Jeremy to remind him. But then again, wasn't that what he appreciated right now? Being able to talk about it instead of just shutting down. He owed Lilah so much and it was time to pay up.

"I's offer to talk to her for you, but I think she'd start avoiding me, too, if I did that."

"Don't worry about it. It's my mess anyway," he shrugged. Of course the offer was much appreciated, but he hadn't thought it'd help anyway so he hadn't asked. Though it somewhat amused him that Jeremy had no clue what he'd lied about that had triggered the fight in the first place.

"Listen, I hate how things have become, but I really appreciate your helping me today," he had some planning he needed to do before the show and it needed to be done swiftly. Also, he couldn't think of anything else they could possibly talk about without going in circles as they both seemed fixated on the Lilah problem.

"Call me about the show, okay?" he smiled as he shoved Jeremy the door. It was time the vampire got some rest before his plotting could begin.