A Medievil Legend: The Formation of De'Saga

My NEW story in which will be coming soon.

Well, here it is, the first page of the Prologue. Enjoy it!

Prologue

___In the year 1180 in ancient France, the land was in peace and harmony, it seemed as if nothing would be better than this era. The harvest was going rather superior, the villagers throughout the land were as happy as ever No village really needed militia because of how quiet the land was. No one was fighting, no one was arguing, the children were running around the village all day long and playing, the village farmers would all pitch in together to make their crops grow, and nothing could’ve been more peaceful as this.

___One thundery day, in the palace of La’Sacré, all of the kings gathered together to talk about improving the land. All of great and powerful kings showed up, such as, King Laford, Sir Hallsburg, King North, King Frederick, and Lord Meochruswit. They all took their seats around a giant circle in the middle of the palace. On the ceiling, there were paintings of angels flying around in heaven, the seats were made out of the finest leather in the land. They all proceeded to their seats and started to negotiate.
___King Laford had suggested that they should commence building the villages and raise economics. They all shook their heads as it was a poor idea. King North had suggested a trade route through France and Germany. Lord Meochruswit agreed to the idea along with North, but the rest disagreed to it and continued the negotiation. The lords had continuously came up with multiple ideas that the rest disagreed on.
It was then Sir Hallsburg’s turn to speak. He had the whole conversation in shock when he said the most insane thing anyone had heard in years. He suggested to form a new colony rule d under the name of the Death Heros. King Laford stood up to him and pulled out his Grand Sword to Sir Hallsburg’s throat. The others all looked at each other, puzzled.
___Sir Hallsburg was about 6'5, had short black hair, and was covered in shining imperial armor. While King Laford on the other hand was old. He was about 5'11, grey tinning hair, a short beard, a red cape, and shining gold imperial armor. King Laford was a tough warrior though. For a 65 year old man, we could kill an enemy in one slash.
___King Laford was about to slice Sir Hallsburg’s throat like a piece of fresh cheese. Sir Hallsburg immediately took out his Demon Mallet that was being hold in a side pocket and quickly smacked Laford’s sword on the ground. That’s when the others stood out and took out their weapons. All Hallsburg did was chuckle and jumped into the air and landed on the other side of where everyone was surrounding him. The others turned around the other way and with fierce faces. They were ready to attack at any moment.
___King North was about 30 years old, with a bold head, a shining black beard that was so extensive that it reached the end of his stomach, about 6'1 and a little on the chubby side, he was covered in silver armor, he had a long sword. King Frederick was about 45 years old with grey short hair, a dark stubble for facial hair, he wore a purple robe as his army and used his magic to summon fire and ice balls. Lord Meochruswit was 24 and was bold and no facial hair, in blue armor, a Holy Mallet which looked almost exactly like Sir Hallsburg’s except it was holy and not dark, and a purple cape.

Quick, somebody delete my last post! I forgot to indent paragraphs!

No problem, it is readable. But, I can do it.

Yes, do it. I want it to look good enough so people can read it.

The thing is, blank spaces more than 1 push of the spacebar is ignored; we have to use characters of other sorts to make it indented/

I wanted you to delete it, but good enough.

i never understood the whole point of indenting anyway, it just seems like a waste of space to me.

anway interesting story, the only problem is the last paragraph, you really should describe characters as soon as they are introduced, not describe them all at the same time just for the sake of describing them.

Anyway, time for my personal opinion. In all, I think it is pretty bad, to be frank. Nothing is explained, the characters leave either too much or too little for the imagination, and this is an unnecessary conflict created that serves no actual purpose.

wassup, that is offensive, raise ban by one point! be better next time.

Anyway, time for my personal opinion. In all, I think it is pretty bad, to be frank. Nothing is explained, the characters leave either too much or too little for the imagination, and this is an unnecessary conflict created that serves no actual purpose.

it kinda seems like we have been left out a bit, perhaps if you did some more explanation on the Death Heros and why the other king would be so offended by this?

What? I only give honest opinions, I am very critical. Now, if someone were to give me advice for my writing, I would jot it down in an instant and start working.

i also just noticed it seems to be impossible to warn scholar, double standards i say! Double Standards!

well wassup that is being ignorant of others feelings, saying shut up may be nohting to you, but can actually hurt someone else.

oohh, that seems interesting...

wassup is only giving his honest opinion, and he never said shut up...


sure i don't think it's THAT bad... it's better than all of those DW stories you write scholar in any case, except that one about the archery contest, but that wasn't a DW story.