Dolci sogni e incubi, Tessa's personal journal

[Theresa Marino]

CAUSE YOU NEED ONE, YOU SEE ,
NOVEMBER TENTH

dear diary ,

This week the work load has been pretty intense. Dad has me working with a new girl in the firm I think he name is Harper. I’m not sure how I feel about her yet. I swear to you I’ve caught her looking over my father a few times. *shudder* my mom would rip her to shreds.. But then again she wouldn’t be the first person. I still need to feel her out before I pass official judgment. She seems pretty nice and smart. I work with her well and that’s the important part. She’s no Harper. I always wanted to claw Harper’s eyes out. Especially, when she would come in my office and name drop certain people. She knew it got under my skin but it was the only way she would one up me considering she could never one up me. My skills are pretty sharp. Thanksgiving is coming up soon. I’m pretty excited about it. I love spending a week at my parent’s house. Mom’s cooking is so much better than mine. One day I will master the art of getting that whole cooking thing down. I’m not sure when as of yet. The only thing that sucks about this time of year is that my mom is always asking about a boyfriend and when I’m going to bring one around. Dating in Bishop City is not an easy task. I seem to date those boys that just have an expiration date tattooed on their hand and I just choose to ignore it. Thankfully, l’ve been too busy with work to worry about dating. Well, the little free time I have had I spend it with Tae or Raffe. That doesn’t help the feelings going on in my head anymore. With Tae it’s simple but Raffe not so much. What’s a girl to do when she falls for her best friend that’s afraid of the idea of one girl. Such is life and that’s a story for a different day court in the morning.

love ,
Theresa.

FROZEN WAFFLES ?! of CAUTION made this template.

[Theresa Marino]

BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE,
NOVEMBER THIRTYITH

dear diary ,

I can’t believe December kicks in tomorrow. This month has just flown by it feels like. But when I really think about it everything is sneaking up on me. Work has been good. Father has actually been happy with the work I’m doing and asking me to be second chair in more of his cases. I’ve come a long way since the fiasco that landed me at the beach house in tears with Alex trying everything to assure me the world wasn’t over. Boy did I feel like my heart had been ripped from my body. I’m just glad Alex took the time to come out and see me. He’s such a good guy too bad when it comes to the idea of a relationship we were just not meant for each other. You can’t pair two workaholics together and two in completely different fields. We’re not all that different but Bishop City is pretty demanding and that’s where Alex’s first love is.

Thanksgiving was good. I enjoyed seeing my family. Well, I really should say I enjoyed the time with my family that didn’t consist o my mother asking me when I was going to bring a boyfriend home. I just don’t have time. That’s all I can tell her. It’s not that I don’t have the time. I just haven’t met anyone that just knocks my socks off really. I don’t want to be in come short term thing I’ve had enough of those. But I haven’t met anyone who’s worthy of becoming the boyfriend. So I continue to tell myself. I know exactly who I have feelings for and I know very well I seem to just want to keep that door open. Just in case that day were to pop up and feelings were shared. It’s dangerous to like him but I just can’t seem to help myself. I know when I’m around my best friend I just get these feelings. Feelings that aren’t there when I’m around others that I may be attracted to, it’s only when he’s around. I’m silly for feeling this way I know but a girl can’t help herself. But I most certainly can just do what I do in keeping him wanting, or at least I hope he is, and not be a notch on the bed post. Which is soooo very hard to go at times for I still have my womanly needs.

All I know to do is keep on trucking and dating who knows what’s going to happen. I do know that my birthday is coming up and I’m not planning on anything big. I can’t believe it’s already here just about. I’m going to be twenty-six and it makes thirty only four years away. Yikes. Hopefully by thing I will have achieved everything I want in life. I’ve got the perfect career and all I need is the white picket fence that perfect hubby and little feet running around. Then again that’s just about the dream of every little girl isn’t it? Until then it’s all about making the best of every day that I’m allowed to live isn’t it. After all, Friedrich Nietzsche once said And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once… It all makes sense now..

Lots of kisses ,
Theresa.

FROZEN WAFFLES ?! of CAUTION made this template.

[Theresa Marino]

IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE THE TWO OF US TALKED,
DECEMBER TWENTIETH

dear diary ,

It's late and my feet are killing me. You would think standing in 4 inch heels for several hours wouldn't be a problem for me by now, but I guess I was wrong. It's been forever since I've written in this so called journal. Not because I haven't had the desire to but I've had my hands full as of late. Dad decided to pull a fast one on me and decided I was ready to handle a big case. You can imagine the excitement on my face when he told me this. But like always there were strings to this "gift" and his big client that I was going to handle for him was well in Italy. I wasn't about to tell him no even though the timing of the whole thing couldn't of been any worse. Who wants to leave the country around the holidays and possibly miss Christmas. Not this girl. Sadly, here I am sitting in a hotel room writing in my journal with my personal life on hold. Who knows what's going on with all of that really. There's no doubt in my mind that Rafe hasn't really missed my antics and is distracted by some girl I don't even want to waste my time thinking about. Then Tae I'm sure he's got enough women to keep him busy. If his sister isn't working him to death. Did I ever write that my love life is just messed up. At least I know I can always go on fun dates with Alex and nag him about not having a girlfriend outside of BC herself.

No matter here I am doing the one thing I know will never let me down or replace me. The case is going well, closing arguments are coming up in two days. Hopefully, I'll be able to catch a flight back before Christmas or on it. I really don't want to spend the holidays away from my family. I haven't had the chance to call anyone really, I'm sure Rori is wondering if I fell off the face of this earth. I can only imagine what that girl has been up to. I hope she's doing better since the incident. I had never been so sick to my stomach before when the guys told me what happened to her. I couldn't imagine life without her and I still don't understand why anyone would want to hurt her. It was nice to see Luca and Rafe putting their feelings aside for just a moment in time. Really, I just can't wait to get this case over with so I can go home. Visiting the extended family is fun but I miss home. Coming here alone isn't as much fun.

Lots of kisses ,
T.

FROZEN WAFFLES ?! of CAUTION made this template.

[Theresa Marino]

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW YOU LOOKED AT ME WITH YOUR JAMES DEAN GLOSSY EYES,
JANUARY THIRD

dear diary ,

Today I was told a bit of information that I really didn’t expect to hear. I figured that I would hear some kind of crazy story when I got back home but this was the last thing to ever cross my mind. In talking with Rori trough text and she shares the fact that Rafe has a son and he’s five years old. I had to read that text message a few times before I could even respond. I think a billion things ran through my mind once I could completely process things and I all of the sudden felt angry at him. Even after deciding that I needed a drink after hearing that I still had to look the text over a few times as I waited for my luggage. For, the first time since high school I didn’t feel like talking to Rafe. Granted it’s not the first time I’ve heard a story about him that made me feel awkward or jealous but this was different. This one seems to hurt and it makes me angry.

We’ve been friends since we were little; there are very few secrets between us. I pretty much tell him everything that’s going on in my life and I thought he did the same with me. I guess I was wrong for he never bothered to mention to me about him having a son with his college sweetheart. If he’s known for 5 years and hid it from me- that just makes me ponder how much our relationship is worth. There is the possibility though that he hasn’t known for that long. If that is true I just can’t figure out why he hasn’t said anything to me. I thought I would be one of the first few people that he would say something to about it. He knows he can trust me with anything. Does he not trust me enough to talk to me about it? Granted I’ve been out of the country for 3 weeks and maybe he didn’t want to tell me over the phone. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t said anything to me or maybe he wants to tell me in person. If this news is new to him I can only imagine how he’s feeling and how this may throw a slight curve ball in his lifestyle.

I don’t know the whole situation and I’m not going to jump to conclusions. I’d like to think that he just wants to tell me in person and that’s why he hasn’t said a word to me about his son. It’s not because he just doesn’t want to tell me or that he’s been hiding it from me for five years or should I say six really. Then when I think about the conversation Rori and I had last time she was over. Maybe now the idea of settling down isn’t so crazy for him but then again it might not change anything. I just wish that he would talk to me about it so I could meet the little guy. The what ifs are killing me and just making me act weird when I do talk to him. We’ve made plans to spend time together next Sunday maybe he will tell me then.

Lots of kisses ,
T.

FROZEN WAFFLES ?! of CAUTION made this template.

[Theresa Marino]

PICTURE PERFECT MEMORIES SCATTERED ALL AROUND THE FLOOR,
JANUARY SEVENTH

dear diary ,

How darkly the dark hand met his end. He was withered and bony, exposed for a phony but we heed the last words that he penned. Haste to disgrace the traitor. Do not wait til later. I don't think that you've got to pretend I see God in birds and Satan in long words ..............

But I know what you need in a friend So now when I leave you, I hope I won't see you...

Lots of kisses ,
T.

FROZEN WAFFLES ?! of CAUTION made this template.

[Theresa Marino]

JUST AS FREE. AS FREE AS WE WILL EVER BE
FEBRUARY THIRD

dear diary ,

So he says there isn't anything important he would keep from me... It was so hard to not text back that I knew things and was upset.. Instead I played nice (I was a liar)..I know about the girl living with him and him being a father..I can't wait for the day he finally tells me or will I have to tell him I know before he does..

I don't know how this will play out..It hurts, my hearts confused and well it hurts.. but he says he tells me everything that's important..

Lots of kisses ,
T.

FROZEN WAFFLES ?! of CAUTION made this template.

[Theresa Marino]

Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.There's a thunder in our hearts, baby.
MARCH FIFTEENTH

dear diary ,

It's completely draining..I find him to be draining...That's all

Lots of kisses ,
T.

FROZEN WAFFLES ?! of CAUTION made this template.

[Theresa Marino]

The sea was red and the sky was grey, wondered how tomorrow could ever follow today.
APRIL FIFTH

dear diary ,

I haven't bothered to write in a long long time. I really didn't see a point in keeping this journal while in Italy. Safely, I can say I found myself again and I found my focus. If that is what the feeling of heartbreak sounds like then yeah got it and I don't want it again. I did speak with him a few times while I was there. I can honestly say it was silly of me to expect more than what it was. I miss my friendship with him though. Now being back I need to see him and try to fix things. I'm not in a rush for he doesn't have a clue.. maybe I'll share maybe I won't but I do know I want my bestfriend back.

Being back in Bishop city is weird. I'm excited to be home though. Dad has the sign people coming tomorrow and that wall will say Marino & Marino now. I've done it. Granted I had to give in and go into criminal law but I've never seen my father this proud of me before..he is and I love it. Today the new business cards came in I have one framed and on my dresser. Marino & Marino. It has a nice ring to it. It's time to start this new chapter and it's all about enjoying life but I have to mend some bridges first. I did just kind of up and leave and come back without saying a word.

Lots of kisses ,
T.

FROZEN WAFFLES ?! of CAUTION made this template.