Bloodloss

[Toksyc]

yes, i've not been here. i've been busy, too. especially with personal shit (when is that new?)
i broke up with cesar, because i thought it was wrong to keep him going on something i was no longer commited to. i didn't want to end up hurting him worse, so i ended it before i could.
the reason?
my joshy poo. after months of time to himself to think, he finally realized that love has been in front of him this whole time in the form of me. yeah, sounds sappy, but it's true. we've been the best of friends for 6 years, and guys, thats longer than most people in america stay married. i've been completely sprung on him for about 4 of those years, but every chance we've had, something unfortunate happen to block it.
but finally, my serendipity love story can continue being amazing. i'm finally with the one person i trust completely, the one person i know i truly love. i know it's love, or else i wouldn't have waited so long for it. we wouldn't be able to work so well together if it wasn't. we wouldn't be absolutely perfect for eachother, both physically and emotionally if it wasn't love.
josh is my mate, my match.
Yes, cesar was very good to me, and i still love him for who he is. it pains me to see him hurt like this, but i would rather him suffer this pain than me cheating on him and hurting him further. i would rather be honest to him and save him the stress of trying to get me back.
i am happy... happy in such a way i haven't felt in so many years. A true, deep, inner happiness that can turn your view on life completely around in just a couple of days. i am content, i am at peace.
i understand now that to have good things happen, you have to hurt first. to get what you really, truly want, you have to suffer. but it's okay. it's worth it in the end. you learn from it. i have learned so much these past 4 years. i've been abused and neglected, and taken it believing that was the only form of love anyone would ever give me. i've almost lost my family so something meaningless, i've degraded myself and done terrible things i will always regret, and i've broken the heart of a very good, loving young man to finally reach what matters most to me.
good karma is finally catching up to me, and life, aside from not having a sure place to live, is looking really good right now.
i got fired, only to get a better paying job with a huge cut in stress and less work. i have more money in the bank than i've ever had in my life, i have the man of my dreams, and he just got a good stroke of luck with money as well.

when i return again, you will expect to see a changed me. a good change.

[Delli]

That rocks Taco Boss! I hope everything works out for you guys and for you in the end too. Can't wait until you come back, either.

[Inak]

Yaaaay!
Taco is finally happy, which makes us happy~ ^^ I can't wait for you to come back for good, now! I think you really deserve happiness after all the stress you have gone through. :3