Feeling Terribly Old, I'm gonna be a downer here...

[Neptune Butterfly]

What makes me feel old? Finally getting a chance to talk to an old anime buddy of mine online, and when I mention what anime I'm currently into, she tells me she 'kinda fell out of anime.'

Wasn't done mean-like, its just that, this was the person I used to totally geek out with. We used to tell each other we'll go to some convention together someday, but it never happened because we live too far apart. What makes it worse is that she's several years younger than me.

I know there are older fans like me, but they are such a rarity, even at conventions. I'm such a kid on the inside, but with each passing year, I notice more and more that I don't really belong. I'm not even a rabid otaku, but I do feel like such a weirdo.

If mom were alive, I wouldn't feel so weird. She had her own little obsessions (not anime related) that put mine to shame. I guess I just miss having a best friend I can share things with, who make you feel its okay to like silly childish things (and sometimes not so childish things). Mom was like that.

Man, every time I start a thread in this section, it gets depressing. It seems determined to bleed into my story too. I hate it! >.<

Random smiley:

[Mikari]

I like hanging out with people who like anime and are around my age, which is rare, but I treasure them. Those fans that remain fans through time are the true fans. Yay for those who keep fun as a top priority!

[Neptune Butterfly]

True, true! There are things I was into when I was little that I still LOVE, but of course, not so rabid about anymore. I don't lose interest though. Whenever I run across something that reminds me of those things, it takes me back, and I have fun reminiscing, remembering the love I still hold for those things.

I confess that I'm about to leave my 20s behind, and it just makes it harder. Makes me miss Mom even more. My parents' wedding anniversary is tomorrow, so she has been on my mind a lot more lately. The friend I was talking about in my earlier post was also the first friend I informed of my mother's passing. I still love my friend, I just hate losing something we shared for so long. Just a year ago she was begging me to come with her to a convention near her, so it was a bit of a shock.

Random smiley:

[Mikari]

I express my fanness in different ways now. Rather than collecting sticker albums I write a ton of fanfics and doodle fanart all the time. xD Actually I think I'm more rabid now and more artistic.

I've been through that with friends too, but I don't see my current group doing something like that. Especially some of them whose parents are also into games and anime. I just realized that I've been friends with some of them for nine years now, almost a decade. Sorry about your mom, at least you knew what it's like to have an awesome cool mom.

I'm in the second half of my 20's so in a few years I'll be leaving them behind too, even if it still feels like I'm 15. I don't really change much over the years. If anything I'm less "serious". XD

[Neptune Butterfly]

Yeah, I tried to express it through drawing, but sadly though I am artistic, the anime/manga style refuses to take. I certainly did try though. Maybe I just need a good teacher? I thought for a while I might have to give up writing too, since it always became burdensome, but I was going through a lot during those years too.

My current Slayers story is the first story I managed to stick to after a few chapters, and it was written during a time when I was really beginning to miss everyone I used to hang out with. I came up with it over two years ago when I watched Slayers all over again, but held off posting it for almost a year. I only had a few chapters then and wasn't sure it was going to make it. Now I'm at ch 47! Its going slower than I had hoped, but then, it has fared better than all the others.

I also have another one I want to write that's more lighthearted after this one. For some reason, this story is making me go deeper in certain places in my mind that I didn't really want to go (you may not be able to tell when you read it, but are a bunch of little things I put in there just for me that do it. I really need to stop torturing myself like that).

I'm glad to find a couple of people here like me. My sis may be an anime fan too, but we're always liking things at different times, so its frustrating. She was REALLY into slayers when she was in high school and starting college, and I was only mildly interested at the time (that was when I was into FMA, CLAMP, Trigun). I was only just out of college. Now, she's an Assassin's Creed fanatic. Its a great game, but I'm not THAT into it. I wish I could get her to go as Lina. She had been wanting to do it for a while, but now she's like 'someday.'

Oh well. Mom was fun, and she put up with our anime stuff, unlike Dad. She didn't really think anything of it. I tried to get to go with us when we got a hotel room once, but she just stayed in that room and read her books. She was already showing symptoms of her illness at the time and was too tired to do anything that involved a lot of walking.

Things would be a little easier if I didn't have to live with family. If only I had a job that paid enough...sigh... I don't want to say its embarrassing, but it kinda is. Then again, I don't know how Dad (AND SIS) would make it without me cooking and cleaning for them. It was bad enough when Mom was having a hard time doing it. I feel like I'm the mother hen of the house. You should see me chase Dad out of the kitchen when I'm cooking! Mom used to do that too, hehe. I'm so like her!

Random smiley:

[Mikari]

Practice helps, just keep drawing. ^^

47 chapters sounds awesome I'll have to catch up with that. ^^ I used to only write short stories, then after that Pokemon long one I started getting into longer stories and have 100 chapters planned for the Slayers one.

I know what you mean. I want my own place too but it's too expensive for me to be able to afford it without working like a slave. Then I wouldn't have time to enjoy what I like so that pretty much kills the whole point of being independent. I've thought about it, but in the end it seems I'm better off where I am at the time, even if it means being stuck with my parents. Dad's okay, but I have quite the annoying mother unfortunately.

[Neptune Butterfly]

Yeah, I stress out way too easily. That's why while I work a part time job I only work ONE. I've had overlapping periods where I was temporarily working two, and I would barely make it. I think I even got sick once (and one of those times happened to be around when my mother died).

I don't see how my sis did it. She has a regular full-timer now, but it seems like she's always working (which is why I get stuck with taking care of the house, but then I'm in my element at home. I'm a natural homemaker). I've even gone to school while working for about a year and half, and I was secretly glad when they let me go. I was about to scream!

Finding a regular full-timer is hard as hell right now. My sis was very lucky. She's a detention officer and has the mentality for it. I've had a couple of close ones where I thought I would finally get a regular job, but they would end up changing their minds at the last minute. Right now, I have a part-timer where its possible to move up and eventually get benefits if I stay. I just wish it wasn't retail >.< It can be stressful, but only if you don't know what you're doing and don't have decent coworkers. After three years at a terrible retail job with an overbearing manager who nitpicked everything and threatened to fire you if you didn't do exactly what they tell you and an overworked skeleton staff, what I got now is a picnic.

My dad likes to treat me like a kid (so did my former manager. you should've seen the way she'd talk to me sometimes). At least my friends at work treat me like a grown up. No anime fans though, except one, and he's more my sister's friend than mine (she worked there for a while before I started).

I really feel like I've been screwed over the last few years. What a way to waste my 20s. My 30s better be better.

Random smiley:

[Mikari]

I can totally relate to that. My 6 months as a full time worker were the worse, totally depressing time. I work part time too, it's the night shift but I don't mind. I get to avoid all the traffic jams and rush hour. When I was a student I did it full time and didn't work, but it was still less time consuming than a job. My schedule would change each semester but it was usually 3 days a week from 8am to 4pm. It was okay since I would get the next day to rest. I work 5 days a week now but it's 4 hours so I'm alright.

I've never worked retail but I'm curious about it. What I can say is that I hate office jobs. I can't stand being trapped in office working on boring reports. I'm an indoors computer geek in my free time, but I hate working with computers. Computers are for playing! just because I can do something doesn't mean I want to. Anyway, I'll stick with my current job at the airport counter.

I get treated as a kid too, but I've learned to let it go. I'll take kid over workaholic any day. The 20s move too fast, I can't believe mine are over halfway gone.

[Neptune Butterfly]

The idea of dying behind a desk everyday kills me too. I really just want to work for myself, but I constantly get told I'll never be able to support myself that way or that if I turn something I love into a job I'll start hating it. For some reason, even Mom got on that little bandwagon!

I want to be a seamstress so bad! I have all the tools and the general knowledge. I've put myself through the wringer every time I try to make a costume, but I always learn something from it, even if I fail, and I just end up loving it even more! That's why I want to talk to that professional seamstress my sis kept telling me about. I want to not only talk about my costume, but also get some real learning experience from her. I might not end up doing costumes like she does, but there are plenty of other things I'm interesting in making for a living (skirts! I ADORE skirts! Even if I can't wear them!)

ARGH! I WANNA BE A SEAMSTRESS!

[Mikari]

I don't think you'll hate it, but rather you might realize it's not the same thing and finding something that matches would be difficult,t but certainly worth pursuing. For example, I like computers and liked my computer classes but soon discovered I hate working with them because the jobs are about doing the same repetitive reports on old machine that they won't replace until absolutely necessary for economical reasons. I wasn't doing everything once like with college assignments where I didn't have time to get tired of one thing before it was time to move on to the next and I didn't have the creative freedom of designing web-pages for myself. So yeah, it was different things, the job and my expectations. I think that's what they mean, that working for someone else means doing things their way, which might not be any fun. It's different if you're self employed, but it can be economically difficult. Then again all jobs are like that now days unless you work like a workaholic and that's not rewarding at all.

That aside, I think your idea is a good one. A seamstress is a job that someone will always need, though you might get stuck with boring designs and making the same style of uniforms over and over at times if you need the money. You'll also get interesting projects if you advertise a costume specialty to get more customers in that area. Don't ever give up, keep trying and don't forget, what you want is always plan A it's everything else that's temporary. I gotta keep telling myself that sometimes too.

[Neptune Butterfly]

I don't have a problem with being repetitive, in fact, it can be meditative, and if I'm making something that someone else wants, well it gives that repetitive motion a sense of purpose. You should see me tackle a crochet project or my sis do one of her chain mail pieces. Now those things are VERY repetitive. Its literally the same motion over and over, but when you get used to it and your hands no longer cramps from lack of practice, it can be very enjoyable. I'm often either crocheting or writing when I'm watching TV. Both of us are unable to watch TV without doing something with our hands anymore.

I understand the type of repetitiveness you're talking about though. I deal with that at work (I'm a customer service cashier), and just when you get into the swing of it and able to start thinking of other things, something unexpected always comes up. I hate that. I'd rather deal with the screw ups I make while sewing than what happens at work!

I also hate jumping from one thing to another before getting used to it. I think that's what kinda bothered me about school. There were so many things I wanted to spend more than a semester or two on! My metals and jewelry class was one of them, and I hated how I had to move on to something else because, technically, that wasn't a big part of my major (we had certain requirements that made us take different art classes, no matter what particular art major you were). I hate discovering something I like, then being forced to focus on something else.

I had two writing classes during my last year in school, but with the wildly different ways they were set up, I had a hard time switching modes (there was A LOT more critiquing in the second semester. Yikes!). It really should've been a more gradual process. I just wanted to write and develop my own style, and for the most part that was encouraged, but I wasn't particularly fond of the example stories they had us read. Knowing my personal beliefs and what I naturally gravitated toward, it wasn't a very comfortable situation for me. Thankfully, I was heavily into fanfiction and was writing other things on my own, otherwise I would've learned to hate writing. Looking beyond the classroom was key to my love of writing and stories.

[Mikari]

That certainly sounds more fun than putting numbers from paper on a screen. No matter what music I had on, it was deadly boring. XD I doubt I would have the patience for seamstress work though I find it overall interesting, I want to jump right into the end result without the process. XD

I have a short attention span for some things like class stuff. I liked being able to get a "fresh start" rather than continuing on with the same classes, but mine were not very active in creativity. I'm pretty sure I would have liked more than semester if I got to take classes related to jewelry. I love shiny things.

I don't really like the technicalities of writing classes. In the end it just has to sound good, clearly communicate an message, be interesting and amuse. No text book can replace a good concept and well developed plot. It takes talent and a lot of practice. That's also why I prefer to write for entertainment rather than for a grade. Fanfiction got me into writing a long time ago. My first few stories were disastrous scrips that were hard to follow but ten years later I think it's safe to say I've improved (and about time too!)

[Neptune Butterfly]

I've improved quite a bit over the years as well. Those writing classes weren't entirely bad. I actually made a couple of decent stories. I remember we had to read one out loud for our final exam at the end of the first class, and I chose to pull a couple of OCs from a fic I was trying to write at the time and make their own story (not relating to the anime in any way though). I gave them pretty animated voices and the teacher liked it. There was another one where I pulled Roy and Riza (calling her Elizabeth) from Fullmetal Alchemist and put them in a world of my own. I wish I could find them again. They're here somewhere. I always at least keep my hard copies of any papers or stories I write.

What helps me with sewing is not concentrating on the end result too much. It can be very discouraging when it turns into something completely different from what you wanted (partly because I'd try something that didn't work). Learned that the hard way, but I'm better for it now.

Random smiley:

[Mikari]

I found it more helpful to have a beta for fanfiction. Someone who pointed out all the things that needed improvement from a reader's perspective rather than a form/technical perspective. I don't have a beta anymore, that was just for a short time, but it was very helpful. I always type everything. I don't like writing by hand. I love to doodle though.

I would have a lot to learn since I'm very end result oriented with basically everything. Although I have learned to accept changes with fanfics because the plot bunnies take over and do whatever they want. XD

[Neptune Butterfly]

There was a lot of beta-reading in small groups in the first class before you turned in your final pieces. Not so much in the second. The second class had us gather in a big circle and discuss someone's story out loud, and you were also graded on how you participated (it was so hard for me to do that).

I don't have a beta reader (though that would be nice), but I do try to step back every once in a while, and if I'm stuck it would be two or three days before I touch it again. It sometimes helps. I've been going back over my earlier chapters to do corrections before putting them up here on the forum, and I notice things, aside from the technical, that I didn't notice before. I don't want to alter it too much, so as long as it doesn't sound terribly off I don't change anything. So far I haven't run into anything like that, so its all good.

Oh sweet plot bunnies, how I wish I could tame you! XD

[Mikari]

I've been writing ahead lately and notice the same things. I've been able to go back and add details before posting but will still do a full revision once the story is done.

Plot bunnies are too wild to be tames you need to follow them and let them lead you, they won't let anyone lead them.

[Neptune Butterfly]

I may do revisions someday, but right now, I just want to get this story out of my head. I have a lot of things that keep popping up that I didn't think of before, so if I try to do any revision before its done, it might screw things up.

I do trust the plot bunnies most of the time, but excuse my French, they occasionally just piss me off! >.<

[Mikari]

It's better to let things flow and tie it all up in the end. Even if it looks like the plot bunnies are running around at random, they all know where they're going. XD

[Neptune Butterfly]

There's order within that chaos, I understand that. XD But I only have so much time in a day to analyze it. Real life has to be a priority.

[Mikari]

Fun is my #1 priority. I live life in the pursuit of fun!