Since this forum is brand new and promises to be different, it only makes
sense to me to give it a try, start from fresh, and let bygones be bygones.
In that light then, and with respect for solo's idea that this sort of
forum is possible, i'll make an honest attempt here to stick to the topic,
ask honest questions when they arise, and do my best to explain what is
to me one of the most awesome yet difficult to explain areas of my life.
With that in mind then, i decided to make this first post rather long
and filled with as much as possible of such explanations. It should be
kept in mind for the reader, however, that although i am an expert on this
area of my life, it doesn't mean that i have endeavored far enough into
the realm of angels to say that i am an expert on that topic altogether.

During my younger years before i was about 18 i was quite interested in
death. It bothered me to say the least. The question at the time, now
in hind-sight was centered around the perceived unfairness of such a thing.
I'm unsure at what age that sort of attitude began, but by the time i was
around eight years old i was already reading just about everything that
i could get my hands on regarding spirituality, religions, the occult,
witchcraft, ghosts, etc. Although my family was of a particular religion,
my mother was also interested in psychic phenomenon, psychology, and other
sciences. She was certainly a great source for books, both where the money
was concerned and also some of her selections. My father had a very easy
to understand philosophy, but didn't discuss it much. As long as i was
reading, he said, "just leave the kid alone, he'll figure it out eventually".
His entire philosophy of life can be mentioned here in one sentence:
"I'll die when the good lord takes me." I was pretty familiar with the
Bible stories in my young years, but just looking at the size of that thing
and the type of language it used, was enough to keep me away from it unless
i needed to use it for reference.

During the summer of my eighth year here, i was introduced to a Wiccan
named Lil. She was that summer's baby-sitter. At eight years old i was still
not old enough to be trusted without some supervision. Both of my parents
worked. So Lil and me spent five days a week together from early in the
morning until late in the afternoon. She was an excellent teacher and she
introduced me to the Bhagavad Gita among other things. She also began my
instruction in the Tarot. She explained to me various truths about that
age old book and to this day i have kept my word and abided by her instructions
in that regard. We spent time together again the next summer when i was
nine. By that time i had started reading the Gita and she then began to
teach me using it along side the Bible. One of the primary tenets of the
Tarot, she explained, was that a reader that reads for the inquirer does
so religiously and seriously, and a reader that reads for themselves does
so for money. According to the Old Ways she taught, doing a good thing
comes back to you as a result of karma alone. And reading the tarot like
a dictionary is worthless instead of understanding how spiritual concerns
affect the daily life of the inquirer and are revealed through the cards.
I continued to read the Tarot for others over the ensuing ten years.

During my teen years i was introduced to several protestant churches. This
occurred during a phase of my mother's to explore various other religions.
She had me tag along whether i liked it or not. I cannot even count how many
times i have been "saved" by a Pentecostal or Baptist. But each and every
time that occurred it seemed only rather bogus to me. Being still pretty
young, i hadn't yet begun to judge the intellect of grown ups. In those
days grown ups were just "right", and weren't to be back talked or sassed.
So, looking back at those times, only now do i realize that i probably had
more familiarity with the topics at hand then the people that were trying
to "save" me. Nevertheless, i did learn quite a bit of new language and
during a week-long seminar held at a college, i purchased my first copy
of the King James version of the Bible. I still only used it for reference
though, but during those years there were lots of questions regarding all
of the various things that the preachers and "friends" were telling me.
I still see those questions popping up on UseNet from time to time and
they just sort of make me grin.

During my later teen years i was introduced to a few esoteric societies.
I am still a member of two of those groups and they agree with each other
quite a bit although they have distinctly different philosophies and
histories. I still do not feel comfortable revealing either of those
groups publicly. By their very nature, and because they are also secret
societies, most people that have heard of either of them that are not
familiar with them internally usually have negative connotations of one
kind or another associated with them. I suppose that could be said about
just about any religion as well, however, except that religions aren't
secret.

I graduated from High School a year early, and when i was eighteen i
went away to study at Illinois Wesleyan University. This was a complete
change from High School and i soon found out that exams and typing up
papers was the order of the day, everyday. But it was during my stay
there that i became a member of a Fraternity. That fraternity taught
me several things but it was fairly superficial in the overall scheme
of my life. However, none of these activities compares in the least
to the meeting of a good friend during that year.

I'll leave his name out and refer to him as W. And W was not only very
important to me as a friend, but we experimented in quite a few areas
of the occult as well as telepathy and other things. It was with W that
we learned how to see each others' auras visually. But we moved much
further with that area to the point where we could see each others'
souls. This was quite a shock, but we were rather bold. What we found
out later on was that we not only could do so, but knew each other in
former lives. Later we found out that one of us had killed the other
in a dual. I only spent that one year there, and came back home the next.

I'd like to bring this beginning to a complete circle now and return to
the concept of death. By this time in my life i had undeniable proof
for myself that some form of reincarnation exists. Anything more technical
really didn't matter. I was still pre-occupied by the question of death
as i had been for most of my life. Then one day on my way to a party,
driving along a two-laner near my home, i came over the top of a hill
and met a family in another car driving in my lane. When i saw the car
come over the hill there was perhaps a full second, or maybe two, where
i not only realized that my life had reached its end, but i summarily
judged myself and my entire life with the words, "Oh well... NEXT!"

Later in the hospital i found out that i was the sole survivor and that
the only thing that saved my life was a telephone pole which kept my
car from doing a roll over the embankment. They had resuscitated me using
electro shock and they said that i was lucky because somebody with a
CB radio had seen the whole thing and had gotten them there in time.
But the important thing that changed in me personally was that after
that experience, i was no longer afraid of death. I had met it, and
instead of freaking out as i had imagined, i had realized the whole
affair in one small word: "next".

This opened up quite a large gap in my life however. What i had learned
had somehow managed to multiply my questions about philosophy, religion,
and all such things by at least a hundred-fold. There was a particular
question which now plagued me as if to fill the niche that death had
left behind. And this question had to do with W, and something that had
occurred during one of our sessions which was until last year, quite
unexplainable. During the next twenty-six years of my life, i lived in
several parts of the world. Always searching for an explanation to that
experience, but everywhere i have traveled, and even home here in the
states, even in the esoteric schools, and even among new friends and
old, nobody has ever been able to give me an inkling to that question.

So, that's enough for now. These are all things that are quite easy to
explain about me. The difficult things for me to explain these days have
to do with the answer to that question. And about what i learned, there
is no easy explanation, but also, in that new realm as far as i am concerned,
i am still only a beginner. What i can say here and now though, is that
when things fall into place, they answer several questions that may have
before seemed like they were unrelated. Just as when putting a piece
into a jigsaw puzzle connects several other pieces, it also provides
the continuity across the larger design of the puzzle.

By the way, i realize, solo, that you are true to your word on your goal
about this new board, however, by completing this exercise it is apparent
to me and should be to you that i still feel rather uncomfortable discussing
various topics. It's not that you are not good on your word, but rather i
am still under the impression that what you claim might be much more than
you can deliver, unbeknown to you. So, yes, i have purposely kept some things
herein left unsaid, but i did try my best to speak openly. Facts are facts
and i cannot change that i still feel red-flags about certain topics. Hope
you understand and realize that i am being honest about that. What i have
written here is comparable to the tip of an iceberg, as somebody once
described it.