wish i'd stayed asleep today *, christine & nick!

try to see in the dark,

I've waited hours for this, I've made myself so sick. I wish I'd stayed asleep today, I never thought this day would end. I never thought tonight could ever be This close to me. Just try to see in the dark, Just try to make it work, To feel the fear before you're here. I make the shapes come much too close, I pull my eyes out, Hold my breath, And wait until I shake But if I had your faith, Then I could make it safe and clean. If only I was sure, That my head on the door was a dream.

nik found himself being mad at riley and not having a valid reason for why he felt that way. maybe, somewhere in the back of his mind, he could see a reason as to why he felt the way he did, but he still found himself unable to understand why it was impossible for him to brood over anything else for the past seventy-two hours. brooding was what he did for a living- there was always more than one thing to brood over, but he found himself fixated on this one thing. it pissed him off.

he hated when people got under his skin, especially since it usually took a lot of work to do. and yet, riley had done it in one simple act. it wasn't like he had necessarily expected her to stick around for cuddling and coffee in the morning after they had slept together. neither of them was that kind of person. but he hadn't expected to wake up in an otherwise empty bed. at first, he'd just been mildly impressed by her ability to sneak out, as he was a light sleeper and was usually easily roused. and then that impressed feeling had morphed into something a little less light and into something a little more… angry. it hadn't really hit him until he'd really woken up and found that she'd left a note. a fucking note, because apparently a note could say whatever she'd felt wasn't important enough to stick around to say or at least to wake him up. he'd crumpled it up and tossed it into the trash without even reading it- whatever it said, he wasn't interested in reading it.

the conflicting thoughts had emerged sometime later that afternoon, especially when the absence of their semi-regular texting correspondence was felt.

her leaving, it was all for the best, right? because he would never, ever have any deep, meaningful relationship with her. even right now, they were just infatuated with one another. and the only thing they had in common was that they were messed up people who enjoyed dabbling in barely legal substances. and if he could have actually convinced himself of that fact, he would have believed it more. but somehow, he just couldn't buy it. they wouldn't even have wound up in this position if that was it because nik didn't have "friends" who he just "hung out" with… every relationship in his life had a purpose. which was why being unable to put one on him and riley's relationship was utterly infuriating.

wait. why was he still thinking about her? he shouldn't even have cared. they'd gone more than three days without interacting before, the time shouldn't have been important. he shouldn't even have known how long it had been. people didn't get under his skin; he got under theirs. that was just how the world worked. and the fact that the ability to restore that facet of world order was obnoxious and he hated it. nik knew that he just needed to shrug it off and get the fuck over it. it's what he would have done in any other situation. maybe this was why other people had rules about not fucking your friends, or whatever you had in the place of them. it just got way out of hand in a hurry.

needless to say, walking into the campus coffee shop and seeing the back of a familiar brunette head was not what he wanted to deal with. but turning around and walking out two steps inside the door would have been even worse, because it would have been like admitting defeat. and that, above all else, was a rule nik never broke, even if he'd broken a lot of others. instead, he held his chin slightly higher and walked by her table without a glance at first- he needed more time to figure out what the hell he was doing before he had any interaction with her, so he ordered his coffee instead, avoiding eye contact. no, he couldn't do it forever and he wasn't going to shy away from any contact just because his feelings had been a little hurt. he just didn't know what to say, for one of the first times in his life.

maybe that was really the root of his problems; he didn't get riley like he got other people. and he didn't know why.

having received his order, he had no other reason to delay the inevitable. they had to talk about it eventually, didn't they? nik wasn't about to let his pseudo-friendship or whatever he had with riley slip away because of his inability to man up. why bother putting it off? nik dropped into the booth across from riley and spoke immediately, without bothering to deal with any niceties like hello's that most people would have bothered inserting. his words were blunt but nik didn't feel the need to sugarcoat anything when it wasn't going to help either of them. he couldn't help but vent a little bit of his pent-up frustration in his tone of voice. "so, were you planning on avoiding me forever or were we going to go with the ever-popular plan of just pretending like nothing ever happened?"

he didn't really want to be mean to riley. it's just how he was. he wasn't the kind of person who beat around the bush and looked out for other people's feelings. and she got that, right? she could handle it.

this is for riley/christine and isaac/nick. this post is 916 words. banner credit to myself. yo peeps, this should be a lot of fun.

TILLIE AT CAUTION <3

.actualpost::-webkit-scrollbar { height: 100px; width:7px; }.actualpost::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb {background: #b2ec5f; width:7px; height:10px; } #pinfo {position:absolute; left:-80px; top:70px;}#pinfo ul {list-style-type:none; text-align:left;}#pinfo li{opacity:0.8;width:200px; -webkit-transition: all 1s linear; background-color:#242424; margin-bottom:2px; color:#fff; font:15px 'open sans condensed'; padding:2px 0px 2px 10px} #pinfo li:hover {width:250px; opacity:1;}tag: the dysfunctional musketeerswords: 1047notes: so many emotionsAs you turn, you take your heart and walk away and it's falling down, as you walk away Nik was supposed to be just any other guy. He was supposed to be just someone Riley could get along with, no strings attached. But her feelings for him had quickly shifted three nights prior and she hadn't been able to get ahold of them. Even now, as she sat complacently in the coffee shop, she found her mind drifting back to that night. She could still feel his hands on her heated skin and the pressure of his lips against hers. Riley absentmindedly smoothed her fingers across her own lips, slightly hating herself for her actions. She hadn't meant to just leave, but she hadn't ever meant to stay. She just couldn't. Although there had been a few moments when she had felt whole, the pressure of the darkness inside of her had swiftly made itself known in the morning. It was always the morning that seemed to catch her off guard. She didn't want things to be awkward between the two of them, but clearly she had made the wrong decision. Nik had texted her a few times-attempting to elicit an answer for her actions-but Riley had shoved her phone in her drawer the moment she had arrived home. But every so often the phone would sing and reminded Riley that she was dealing with a friend, not just some random person. And she knew, truthfully, that she couldn't avoid him forever. But she could try, right? Her eyes glanced over the page, rereading the paragraph once more, but she honestly could not concentrate. She had become the one person she had always sworn she wouldn't: a deserter. She had left Nik in the cold room, given him the cold shoulder, and had wound up hating herself for it. But she couldn't go back, and she knew that. However, that didn't mean she didn't want to. Or did want to. She couldn't see any other outcome whenever she played the morning over. There was no way she would have stayed, but wasn't there an easer way to handle it? She could have woken him up and told him, but that just seemed to muddle things up. She had hoped that a note would be the easiest alternative, but Riley realized that she wouldn't have been necessarily pleased if someone had left her a note the morning after. But then again, Riley was always the one to leave. But she had wanted to stay; The fact that she couldn't, however, confused her even more. Why couldn't she just push her insecurities aside, for just one moment, and allow herself to feel completely vulnerable? Riley set her book against the table and pulled her hands to her face, palms up, and ran her hands against her skin. She was so tired and frustrated and just sick of everything. Nik was a good guy, but she had turned out to be a rotten apple. Riley kept her face in her hands, her eyes drifting towards the window. Couples passed by, hand in hand, and it almost made her sick. But it also made her jealous. And that snapped her awake. Why on earth was she jealous? She had never been jealous before, but the thought of her and Nik as a couple made her smile. She must have been going insane.If only Riley had kept her eyes looking out the window. Then she wouldn't have seen Nik enter the coffee shop; She wouldn't have seen him order his drink, nor would she have watched him waiting for his drink. However, every time she thought she saw him look in her general direction, she would glance away. Riley gave up and picked up her book once more. She began half-heartedly rereading the paragraph on genocide, sick to her stomach, before Nik finally made the ultimate decision to approach her. She kept her eyes buried in the book, even as he slid into her booth, and only looked up when he began accusing her. Well, maybe he hadn't meant it in an accusing manner, but Riley felt her heart sink. She hadn't truly meant to hurt him so completely, but Riley was damaged goods and all those that intertwined with her, ended up the same. She couldn't think of an answer that would satisfy the boy staring her down, but she couldn't just ignore him now. Riley set the book down once more and folded her hands on top of it. But even that felt wrong. She readjusted, pushing her hands under her thighs, and her teeth began nervously nipping at her lower lip. Why did she feel so guilty? It wasn't like she had murdered anyone, but she sure as hell felt like she should be in handcuffs. She took a deep breath, her eyes darting around Nik's face, and finally composed herself. "Neither of those are highly probable." Her voice felt distant and unlike herself. Why couldn't she just be real with him-or with anyone for that matter. What had happened between them had changed their relationship for good, but Riley just couldn't seem to see past herself. Her mind stumbled over words, her mouth frantically attempting to get something out. Nothing she said could make things right. Nothing she did would make her feel better. But she had to try; Nik was worth at least that much.Riley shifted again in her seat, her hands now rubbing against her legs, as she attempted to conquer her nerves. Normally, that wouldn't be such a difficult task. But everything seemed different in Nik's presence. Not that she would show it. "Look, I'm just not a breakfast person. And I have no idea where my phone is." Okay, so maybe lying wasn't the best idea, but it was the only thing she could come up with. But even before she could correct herself, Riley recognized the voice calling out her name. Curse words were elicited as Isaac made his approach. Of course she would run into one of her exes as she was attempting to fix everything. But of all people? Riley did her best to put on a good face, but her nerves were overflowing and she felt herself getting desperate. Couldn't at least one day go her way?©rachel

A HOPEFUL TRANSMISSIONIsaac headed straight to the nearest coffee shop on campus as soon as his lecture wrapped up. He was in more need of a cup of coffee when he was for a good eight hour sleep, that didn’t even make sense that’s how much he needed caffeine. There was no time for sleep, not when the clinical exams were coming up, and final group differentials do at the end of the week. No there was only one solution for this all and it was a nice steaming cup of coffee. On his walk to the shop Isaac checked his phone, his text messages/email/facebook had all been left untouched since last night. This often happened, and people needed to understand that unless it was school related Isaac wasn’t going to reply till he had time. Sending a quick message off to Skye, Isaac re-pocketed his phone.That was one mistake he couldn’t afford to make again. Isaac had a tendency to pick school over a social life when things got busy. This included girlfriends, and even though Skye and him weren’t officially dating he knew better then to ignore her, and not remind her that he did have feelings for her. It had happened to often that Isaac would forget to reply to text messages/phone calls/make time for his girlfriend and they would just find it easier to break up with him, since they were practically single anyways. The most recent case had been Riley, she and Isaac had dated for a few weeks back in the starting of the semester. It was doomed from the start, Isaac had no idea what he was getting himself into when he picked med school, and the hours had been ridiculous including work. It didn’t help that Riley had her doubts about relationships in general, it had taken enough convincing from Isaac just to get her to say yes to a date. He had tried to see her as often as he could, the first week and a half had been great they would spend breaks and sometimes nights together, but then when school picked up they barely got to see each other, even on weekends. It had been too much for them, and eventually Riley cut it off. Isaac understood, it really had been his fault, he should have tried harder to make more time for them, but he had just dove head first into his schooling that he had blocked out any thought of spending time with Riley.After that Isaac didn’t even bother trying to date anyone, not till now. For some odd reason he thought that maybe Skye and him could work out. She lived in a completely different world then his, and perhaps she wouldn’t mind not having him around so much, not that Isaac planned to always be completely out of the picture with her. No this time he was going to make time for her, and with school almost over, he’d be able to see her more often. If he learned anything from his past relationships is that you really need to be there, and read between the lines of everything said. Even though Riley and Isaac hadn’t worked out, he still felt like he wanted to be in Riley’s life. Isaac dated her, and knew some things about her that others didn’t. So maybe now his feelings for her weren’t that of butterflies and arrhythmia, but that of protection. Not that Isaac stalked Riley around campus, but if they ran into each other he’d ask how she was doing, and just make sure everything was okay. He worried for her, he always assured Riley she could text him if she needed someone to talk to, it never really got rid of the awkward air around them. Isaac had liked Riley for a reason; enough to want to date her, it wasn’t weird that since they didn’t work out, that he wanted her to be happy. His roommate often told Isaac to just leave her be, and if he saw her in public to just ignore her existence, then again Gabe had never accepted Riley, and had been happy to see the two of them go their separate ways.Of course it was only right that when Isaac walked into the coffee shop the first person he would see was Riley. He didn’t exactly know what to go right away, instead of walking over to her and saying hello right away he continued on with his mission to get as much coffee in him as possible before his next class. It was only until he had ordered, and received his beverage that he turned to go join Riley for a little bit. Isaac wasn’t going to stay long, just a quick chat then leave, that was until he noticed that she now had a companion sitting with her at the booth. Normally this would be Isaac’s cue to leave, but he knew exactly who this kid was. Of course he knew who Nikalus was; he knew a lot more than just his name. The first time Isaac had met Nik he was surprised with the knowledge that he even went to Stratton. The way he acted had annoyed Isaac, seriously, it wasn’t Isaac’s choice to have to do all that blood work on him. It wasn’t his fault that Nik had to be subjected to random drug testing every now and then. What was worse was that it usually fell to Isaac to go do the deed of dealing with him since the blood collectors didn’t like to deal with Nik. Not that Isaac enjoyed his company. Ever since meeting him Isaac had began to notice Nik on campus more and more, he didn’t care for him as long as he kept his distance from the people he knew. Legally Isaac wasn’t allowed to tell anyone what Nik was getting tested or any of his lab results, but that didn’t mean that Isaac didn’t know, and couldn’t judge him for it.Seeing Nik sit across the booth from Riley worried him. If there was one person that Isaac didn’t want hanging around anyone he knew it was Nik. Usually he wasn’t one to put himself into these situations, but Isaac could only hope to prevent from something happening between these two. “Riley!” Isaac called out her name before heading over to where she and Nik sat talking, or not talking he couldn’t tell, the mood seemed pretty tense as he reached their booth. “Hey I saw you from across the shop, how are you? I haven’t seen you around in a while.” He tried to sound casual, as if though he didn’t know he was interrupting something. “Oh…hi…Nik right? I’m sorry are you two having a chat?” Isaac looked over at Nik with fake concern before taking a seat on the edge of the booth on Riley’s side. TAG: our rag tag group of non-friends WORDS:1,151 &nbsp; &nbsp; WEARING:___]

try to see in the dark,

I've waited hours for this, I've made myself so sick. I wish I'd stayed asleep today, I never thought this day would end. I never thought tonight could ever be This close to me. Just try to see in the dark, Just try to make it work, To feel the fear before you're here. I make the shapes come much too close, I pull my eyes out, Hold my breath, And wait until I shake But if I had your faith, Then I could make it safe and clean. If only I was sure, That my head on the door was a dream.

nik couldn't help but feel even more conflicted at riley's response. great, so they weren't going to just split and pretend to have never met before. he could have told her that. he was certain that he wasn't crazy and that he wasn't imagining the sort of magnetism that he had felt between them. but the fact that she didn't have any other suggestion for what they actually were going to do didn't help his mood. he'd already known that she wasn't a breakfast person; did she really think he needed her to tell him as much?

"well, that's good to know." the sarcastic comment had fallen from his lips just before isaac acknowledged them and nik had to resist the sudden urge to punch something, especially since his choice of punching bag right now would have been the brit's pompous face.

isaac's presence in his life was always inopportune. he was one of the few people that nik actively went out of his way to avoid- but unlike the others of the few, life forced him to interact with isaac on a far more regular basis than he would have preferred. a logical person would have argued that it was his own fault, for needing drug tests every so often to ensure that he was staying clean, but nik couldn't have cared less in this moment. isaac thought that he was so superior to himself, so much better a person than him, just because he was on the administering rather than the receiving end of a drug test. well, he didn't know shit. nik was almost one thousand percent positive that his life had been a whole lot worse than isaac's and that if they had traded positions, the other boy would be just as messed up as himself. but for some reason, isaac seemed to think that he was a better person.

well, fuck him and his opinions. nik didn't care.

he was, however, slightly horrified as isaac addressed riley like they were old friend. the last thing he needed was anybody interrupting this conversation; having it be somebody who actually knew both of them would just make the interruption worse. having it be isaac made it almost unbearable, especially if the boy had some weird past connection to riley that nik didn't know about.

nik couldn't help but swear softly under his breath when isaac perched on the other side of the booth next to riley. he was torn between letting him know, in no uncertain terms, that he wasn't welcome right now or ever and playing nice, if only for riley's sake. since isaac seemed to be choosing to go with the second option, nik decided to play nice- at least for now. it should have been a simple exercise in self-restraint. it was something he had a lot of practice with. he couldn't help but tighten his grip on his coffee cup though, trying to occupy his hands and divert his anger. he really wished that the cup wasn't cardboard and mostly useless. even without much pressure, he could feel the cup already giving way under his grip. he balled his free fist in his lap, instead.

he was suddenly glad though, that he'd had years of practicing hiding his true emotions. it was easy enough for him to control what he gave off with fair believability. on his face, he plastered one of his fake smiles onto his face, attempting to pass it off as genuine as he nodded his head at isaac in some semblance of greeting. his eyes didn't match his smile though; he glared at isaac, attempting to channel every negative emotion that he was harboring into a single withering glare. maybe the other boy thought that he was going to fool riley with his act of niceness and feigned interest in nik's wellbeing but he wasn't going to be fooled by what was clearly an act.

"yeah, it's nik. isaac, right?" but just because he had to keep from outright punching isaac in the face, it didn't mean that he had to keep his thoughts to himself completely. he was already in a bad mood from the conversation that he'd been about to start with riley and being interrupted had further worsened that mood. and isaac showing up had just been the cherry on the freakin' top. the boy's whole feigned innocence act pissed him off. nik couldn't tell whether isaac was patronizing him or was just putting on some ill-disguised facade (really, he thought he could fool the master of manipulating other people?) for riley, but whichever it was, it was going to get really old, really quickly. he didn't bother trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice now, though he tried to minimize it and direct it specifically at isaac. "and yeah, actually, we were. it's probably nothing you'd be interested in, busy and brilliant med student that you are. but that's just a guess."

he barely spared the older boy another glance before turning his attention back to riley, nodding his head in the general direction of isaac. maintaining the same smile as he had addressed isaac with, though it somehow did feel more natural and real when he was facing riley instead, nik asked the question that was really bothering him as casually as possible. "so, you know him?"

this is for riley/christine and isaac/nick. this post is 895 words. banner credit to myself. gosh, nik is just such a charming and wonderful person :3

TILLIE AT CAUTION <3

.actualpost::-webkit-scrollbar { height: 100px; width:7px; }.actualpost::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb {background: #b2ec5f; width:7px; height:10px; } #pinfo {position:absolute; left:-80px; top:70px;}#pinfo ul {list-style-type:none; text-align:left;}#pinfo li{opacity:0.8;width:200px; -webkit-transition: all 1s linear; background-color:#242424; margin-bottom:2px; color:#fff; font:15px 'open sans condensed'; padding:2px 0px 2px 10px} #pinfo li:hover {width:250px; opacity:1;}tag: the dysfunctional musketeerswords: 940notes: riles needs a cuddle. :cAs you turn, you take your heart and walk away and it's falling down, as you walk away If a meteor had fallen to earth in that instant, Riley would have been the one person to sacrifice herself to it. It wasn't that she hated the boys whom shared her company. No, Riley hated herself more than any person she had ever known. She had made a mess of her relationship with Nik and would now have to explain her relationship with Isaac. Isaac had been Riley's guide for her small group (which was customary for all freshman entering college). There was an immediate attraction between the two and, normally, that's all it would have been. But Isaac had managed to wrestle Riley into agreeing to go on a date and soon after, date him. The fact that he could do so merely intrigued Riley and she gladly accepted him as her boyfriend. But things, as they always do, got boring and Riley was quickly unsatisfied with her situation. Plus, it wasn't like Isaac was spending a heap of time with her anyway. He was busy and she was irritable. She ended it a mere month in. Had she regretted it? Absolutely not. It wasn't like Riley had even managed to get rid of Isaac. He had attempted to keep tabs on her, to make sure her life was going well. It was nice, to know that someone actually cared for her. But in that instant, Riley wished that he had just kept his distance like all of her other exes. Why couldn't he just let her go? No, it was more, why couldn't he just leave? Riley immediately picked up on Nik's change in attitude. Whatever was going on between them didn't match up to the animosity Nik felt for Isaac. If only she could avoid telling him who he was to her. But she knew that in due time he would inquire, like a normal curious person, just who Isaac thought he was to interrupt their serious conversation. Riley hated owing people and she felt like she owed Nik so much more than she could give. She had hurt him terribly by leading him on and then leaving him and now she had to explain so much. She couldn't even get a word out in reply as Nik answered Isaac's question. If only she wasn't so exhausted from the strain of the past few days. Not only had her course work gotten increasingly more difficult, but she had also begun to beat herself up for her actions. It was times like these, when she had hurt people more than she knew, that she almost wished she was more like her mother. Riley's mother loved unconditionally and was always the first to apologize. Maybe that was her fault, but when it came down to it, it was probably a good way to avoid situations. Situations especially like the one Riley was now in. She had to explain to the boy that could save her that she was more afraid than anything and, on top of that, explain how she had dated Isaac.What was Nik's issue anyway? Riley's eyes darted around Nik's face in search of some answer. Why was he increasingly hostile towards him? They acted as if they didn't truly know each other, but she could sense that they were lying. As Nik answered for the both of them, Riley couldn't help but allow a soft smile to spread across her features. She liked a guy that wouldn't go down without a fight. Maybe that's why it had been so easy to give up on other guys-they always gave up on her. They would fall for her but quickly realize that she was damaged and soon give up. But Nik, oh Nik wouldn't do that. Riley, in that moment, began to truly see that he wouldn't just leave her. He was just as damaged-if not worse-and therefore would not have the prerogative to leave her. But could she? Would she? Riley couldn't be sure.She saw the smile on Nik's face slightly shift, as if to say that it wasn't Riley that his animosity was directed at. "Yeah, uh, we actually dated my first semester." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, her eyes darting around the table. How could she explain to Nik that it wasn't anything serious, that Isaac just cared too much. How could she explain to him that her heart was somewhere else-with someone else. With him. Riley glanced over at Isaac, her hazel eyes clean of any emotion. Maybe, if Riley hadn't been so exhausted from keeping herself together in the past few days, she would have told him to leave. Riley was a pointe-blank person and didn't believe in dancing around the point. But sometimes, when she felt overwhelmed, Riley would back down. She couldn't keep up with herself and had the terrible habit of shutting others out. That was what had happened with her mother, who had gotten married and suddenly expected Riley to be 'the good daughter that she never was'. And she hated that. She hated having responsibilities thrusted upon her that were highly improbable and useless. What was the point in pretending to be a high class individual when she was truly a rebel at heart? She couldn't be someone she was not. Riley's mind drifted back to the meteor that she consistently wished would strike the earth in that moment. Finally, she glanced back at Nik, words forming in her mind and slowly making the trek to her lips. "It wasn't anything serious, 'cause, you know." Or at least, she hoped he knew. ©rachel

A HOPEFUL TRANSMISSIONMaybe this one Isaac should have heeded Gabe’s warning about staying away from Riley. He should have just walked away and let them be, he should have. At the same time though, he didn’t like to see Nik around Riley, of all the guys on campus, Riley shouldn’t be hanging around Nik. Isaac usually wasn’t one to judge, he had friends back home with pasts that made Isaac wonder how they even grew up to be different people. Nik on the other hand just acted like a jerk to anyone no problem. Isaac never really took the time to get to know him, because he never felt like he had the chance to. It was instant tension between the two of them when they met the first time, and it continued on like that even when they met on campus. Isaac just never liked the vibe he got off of Nik, and he figured he never would, not that it mattered much, it wasn’t like he was trying to be his friend. As for Riley, Isaac had always had a soft spot for her, when they had met in the starting of the year during orientation he had instantly felt drawn to her. It had been Isaac first year back at Stratton, and his choice to help out with campus tours had been a ploy to meet new friends. Most of his classmates had graduated and gone straight to work, only one of two had decided on grad school. He ended up meeting Riley like that, she had been in his campus tour group. He had managed to somehow convince her to go on a date with him, and later on to be his girlfriend. As soon as school picked up Isaac disappeared, he shouldn’t have known that Riley wouldn’t be one to wait around. She broke up with him, it was better that way. Isaac figured that they could still possibly be friends, though, it was hard to forge a friendship with a person that you never used to be friends with. Isaac had only known Riley as his girlfriend, so being friends with her was a hard concept for him. The end product had been this over protective guy who would sometimes show up at the most inconvenient times. He figured that Riley would at least know that he cared about her, that she wasn’t just another girl on campus to him, because Isaac did care about her, especially right now when she was in the presence of a person like Nik. So when he sat down Isaac knew that there was only one reason as to why he was so rudely interrupting this conversation. He didn’t want Nik near Riley, and he was going to sit here, and get on Nik’s nerves until he walked away. “Yeah that’s me,” Isaac gave a small smile, playing with the plastic lid of his coffee cup his eyes on Nik. He could practically feel the heat coming off of him in anger. Isaac’s gaze slowly travelled from Nik to Riley, wondering how long it would take for the boy to explode on him. Fighting had never been something that Isaac resorted to, he knew how to, it just wasn’t something he did. If Isaac disliked someone, and was in their presence he did exactly what he was doing now, get under their skin by his indifference of the situation. It seemed like he didn’t have to try to hard with Nik, his snide sarcastic comment only made his laugh lightly. Isaac took it like a joke coming from an old friend, as if though his roommate was saying this. He couldn’t help the amused smile as he answered, “Busy perhaps, brilliant not so much. Dedicated would be a better world to describe it.” Isaac took a small sip of his coffee before directing the rest of his comment at Riley, “I dunno, I usually do concern myself with the problems of…old friends.” Pretending not to concern himself with Nik’s following question. Instead he looked around the shop knowing that if he left now he had probably annoyed Nik enough to want to blow off steam alone. However if he stuck around a little longer he could just piss him off a little more. Isaac only turned his attention back to the conversation when Riley admitted that they were ex’s. They were, they had never really had a serious relationship, Isaac had insisted on going slow. With Riley’s distrust of relationships he figured it would help them out in the long run if they connected better on an emotional level then just physically. It wouldn’t have helped them anyways.Isaac’s gaze had met Riley’s soon after she admitted to their past relationship. There was nothing, she wasn’t telling him anything. He wasn’t going to pretend that they still had some secret connection between them because they didn’t. She wasn’t telling him to leave, if she wanted him to she would have said it. Riley was never one to pretend to enjoys someone’s company when she didn’t. At the same time it wasn’t like she was asking him to stay, she just looked tired. Tired from dealing with Nik? Isaac could see this, the boy attitude was exhausting.Even when she turned away he stayed looking at her, examining her facial features and when she explained that they had not been in a serious relationship Isaac knew there was something more behind this. Tension were high because something had happened between these two, and Riley actually cared about what Nik thought of her and Isaac past relationship. He dropped his gaze for a moment. “Yeah it was only for a month in the starting of the year, nothing serious. School got in the way, but it was fun while it lasted.” Isaac added in eyes on Nik again, wondering if he would assume that there had actually been more to what he said. TAG: our rag tag group of non-friends WORDS:1,151 &nbsp; &nbsp; NOTE:plz don't punch him

try to see in the dark,

I've waited hours for this, I've made myself so sick. I wish I'd stayed asleep today, I never thought this day would end. I never thought tonight could ever be This close to me. Just try to see in the dark, Just try to make it work, To feel the fear before you're here. I make the shapes come much too close, I pull my eyes out, Hold my breath, And wait until I shake But if I had your faith, Then I could make it safe and clean. If only I was sure, That my head on the door was a dream.

"oh, of course, i forgot that i was supposed to add humble to the list, too." nik couldn't help but let the sarcastic comment fall from his lips before he had remembered that he was supposed to be putting on a front, though he managed to refrain from slapping his face in an exaggerated gesture to accompany the remark. he rolled his eyes though, because this was all such a giant joke. first, that he'd even felt the need to be here having this conversation with riley and then the fact that isaac had decided to have a cheery catch-up and gossip session with her at that moment- it was all just a joke. too bad he didn't feel like laughing.

shaking his head lightly to shake off all of the insults that he could have thrown out in that moment, nik tried to focus on what the two were saying, instead. he bit the inside of his lip to refrain from laughing as riley admitted to having had a past relationship with isaac, though nothing could stop his eyebrows from shooting up in surprise. that was the biggest joke yet. riley was strong, independent and just about as dysfunctional as he himself was- what the hell had happened to have her wind up with a pushover, anal-retentive type like isaac? maybe she'd had a brain aneurysm… that would explain so much. he watched her features critically as she spoke, keeping his own face as blank and neutral as possible. she seemed to be so hesitant to admit to a relationship. it puzzled him slightly. it wasn't as though he'd ever assumed that he was the first guy she'd ever hooked up with and it wasn't as though he really ever cared about that sort of thing with any of the girls that he'd been with. nik lived to forget the past, so details from it very rarely bothered him, so long as he attempted to shut them out. sure, it was really weird that isaac was on her list but he had some interesting names on his as well- everybody made mistakes. it wasn't until she added her second comment that something in nik's brain clicked and then thunked into place.

oh.

she thought he cared because she knew he did. goddamn her ability to see inside his mind. nik had been able to shut out everybody, keep everybody from seeing what he was actually thinking- "friends," therapists, his mother… but he couldn't keep riley out. she could read him. he was torn between being pissed and being surprisingly comforted by the knowledge that she wanted to add that it wasn't serious because… because what? nik wasn't a relationship kind of person. he never had been and knew that he never would be. his life- and he himself- was too inconsistent. relationships were for people who needed other people to feel complete. and yet it did make him feel better to know that apparently riley's opinion of isaac wasn't particularly high either.

still, nik couldn't help but be annoyed that this was the first time that this past relationship had come up. he didn't know why- it was completely uncalled for because the last thing that he ever wanted to do with riley was sit down and gossip about their past lives. but he still pursed his lips as he processed the information, attempting to think of a response that was appropriate considering the fact that isaac was still there.

and speaking of isaac, nik really wished that he had a roll of duct tape with him. jesus, could this guy not take a fucking hint and just leave. nik didn't care what isaac's analysis of his past relationship with riley was- nobody did. his indignation expressed itself as he muttered, "yeah, i'm sure it was fun. she's just a real barrel of laughs, isn't she?"

argh. nik huffed out a frustrated breath. that had come out more insulting to riley than he'd intended it to. he felt guilty, or at least, as much guilt as he could ever feel- which wasn't much- but he wasn't about to take it back. play nice, play nice, you don't care, the voice inside his head seemed to be chanting. so instead of apologizing to riley, he tried to rearrange his features again, putting on as neutral a look as he could manage, though it was harder to than it ever had been before. even if he couldn't take back his insult, he could attempt to amend for it by defending her. he had never really cared about anybody but himself enough to defend them before but nik figured that he might as well try. speaking more loudly now, raising his voice from the previous mutter, he said toward isaac, "it's too bad you let her go. my mom always told me to prioritize the best things in my life and riley's about as good as it gets, so i'm sure you're just kicking yourself now."

nik painfully wanted to add "now that i've got her." but he didn't know that he did or that he wanted to or that she wanted him to or even if all that was true, if he cared to divulge it to isaac for any reason other than to piss him off- which probably wasn't in he and riley's best interests ultimately anyways. sure, the gossip blog had already shared their hook-up with everybody but there was other stuff in there that seemed kind of far-fetched… anybody who believed what it said was plain stupid. so, nik pushed that addition to the back of his mind and said instead, directly to riley and trying to infuse even a tiny bit of humor into the tense air despite the accusation still embedded in his voice, "i never really thought of him as your type."

this is for riley/christine and isaac/nick. this post is 979 words. banner credit to myself. nik's just trying to decide where to punch.

TILLIE AT CAUTION <3

.actualpost::-webkit-scrollbar { height: 100px; width:7px; }.actualpost::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb {background: #b2ec5f; width:7px; height:10px; } #pinfo {position:absolute; left:-80px; top:70px;}#pinfo ul {list-style-type:none; text-align:left;}#pinfo li{opacity:0.8;width:200px; -webkit-transition: all 1s linear; background-color:#242424; margin-bottom:2px; color:#fff; font:15px 'open sans condensed'; padding:2px 0px 2px 10px} #pinfo li:hover {width:250px; opacity:1;}tag: the dysfunctional musketeerswords: 987notes: you can't hit riley, she's too prettyAs you turn, you take your heart and walk away and it's falling down, as you walk away Every word that left Nik's mouth was as if he was adding salt to her wounds. Had she really hurt him so badly that he would openly insult her? Maybe it wasn't as openly as she felt it was, but he definitely insulted her in the presence of another person. It wasn't that she cared about Isaac's opinion-she never really had-but it was Nik's behavior that was pissing her off. She had allowed him to join her and wanted desperately to make things right. She just hadn't gotten the chance to say so. Everything was so off point that it was driving her mad. Riley hadn't meant for things to get so mixed up. Couldn't Nik see that she felt just as uncomfortable as he did? Isaac was making everything so strained and continued to halt their conversation. All she wanted to do, with all her heart, was plead with Nik to listen to her, to have him understand that she hadn't meant to be so malicious. In fact, when it came to Nik, she didn't have a malicious bone in her body. After seeing the pain her father had caused her mother, she had sworn to never openly hurt another person. It was a promise that she had made once more when her sister was born. But here she was, wishing she could tell them both to fuck off and leave. Leave and never come back. Running away seemed like the best option, but at the same time, seemed like the worst. Running would never get anything solved, it wouldn't fix anything. She took a deep breath, but the intake was halted. Was Nik really implying that she was the best thing in his life? No, what really caught her off guard was the implication that he had her. Did he really know that she felt that way? The smile that began to cross her lips was so small that she wasn't sure if Nik saw it or not. There was a moment that passed between the three of them, where the air felt heavy, that Riley stole in order to get her thoughts together. She kept her eyes trained on Nik, watching as his features became rigid and the softness began to melt away. It was as if she couldn't do anything right. She felt like a fuck up, more so than usual, and resisted the urge to shut down. If she did shut down, they would win. Or more so, Nik would win. Or would it be Isaac? In this situation, it was difficult to peg the antagonist and the protagonist. Things were so much easier in stories, characters were more defined. But the quality that Riley found herself yearning for, was the ability to rewrite sections. She would start with three mornings ago, with the decision she had made to leave Nik's warm bed. Riley, if she could rewrite everything, would have stayed. Because she knew, now, that it would have made things so much easier. Her eyes quickly flashed down to the table as Nik made another accusing statement. Of course Isaac wasn't her type, but he had provided some sense of stability. Had, being the key word. Why couldn't she just make up her mind? If she wanted to be with Nik so badly, why wasn't she with him? Why didn't she just tell Isaac to leave? Her teeth began to tear at the inside of her mouth, the pain making her regain her composure. His words couldn't hurt her any moor than a punch to the gut could. Her eyes emptied and Riley pulled her lips into a tight line. If Nik wanted to play this back-and-forth game, she wasn't going to go down without a fight. "You know what they say: variety is the spice to life." It was a harmless comment, truly, but one sprinkled with sarcasm. Riley was tired of feeling sorry for herself. The past minutes she had spent with Isaac and Nik had actually drained her. It was so difficult, keeping up appearances when she was in Nik's presence. He elicited a different side of her, a kinder side of her. With other guys, guys that meant nothing, Riley was good at keeping up appearances. She was good at quickly building a wall that many had feared climbing over. To cross Riley was like stepping on a lion's tail-something no one would ever want to experience. She had a short temper and often failed to control the outbursts that came with losing it. But, the situation at hand called for complete and total control. If she wanted to eventually prove to Nik that she was sorry for her past behaviors, she would have to keep her cool. And that was quickly becoming difficult.Spreading her hands on the table, her hands interlocking, Riley glanced at Isaac. It was a short glance, one that didn't require head movement, and it allowed her to keep Nik in her sight as well. Things were quickly becoming much more strained that she could have imagined. She took a breath and continued her thought, "But I guess I just can't stay away from bad boys." If that was too subtle for him, than Nik was a lot duller than Riley had previously thought. She couldn't think of a more obvious way to point out that she wasn't into Isaac anymore, nor had she for a long time. If Nik didn't think he was classified as a 'bad boy', than Riley didn't know what else to do. But something inside of her assured her that Nik understood her much more than anyone else. In fact, Riley felt confidant that he would understand just about anything she would say. Isaac, on the other hand, Riley wasn't too sure if he would pick up on the context of the conversation she and Nik were attempting to have. ©rachel

A HOPEFUL TRANSMISSIONIsaac took the comment with a smile not saying anything else to irk the guy that was so obviously annoyed with his presence. Why wouldn’t he be? Isaac would be as well if Nik was did the same thing to him, while he was talking to a girl he was interested in. The only difference was that Isaac wasn’t interested in every girl on campus like Nik was. Isaac knew of Nik’s reputation of sleeping around, and Isaac didn’t want to see Riley added on that list. Usually he would try and keep himself out of situations like these, Isaac wasn’t one to stir the pot, but sometimes he was called to forget that and step in. The look of surprise had not hard to notice when Riley mentioned that Isaac was her ex. It was true, the two were complete opposites. Riley did what she wanted to do, but she had her problems, and Isaac had been there to listen to what she said and provide the compassion that not a lot of people in her life had given her. They had been a nice match for the while that they had lasted, near the end of their relationship it became very clear as to why they weren’t working out. Sometimes people were too opposite to work out, and as much as Isaac wanted to be there for Riley he couldn’t be there all the time, and Riley got bored with his lack of time commitment with her. Their relationship hadn’t been anything bit to hit the blogs of Canterbury Times, or be much of a ripple on the show. Not a lot of people actually knew that the two of them had dated, it wasn’t like they had been seen together often. It made sense that this would be the first time that Nik ever heard of this, especially since he was so self-centered that he would have never noticed had it not directly effected him. Much like it was right now. Raising an eyebrow at the statement Nik threw at him Isaac took a sip of his coffee looking over at Riley. She clearly didn’t look to happy with the situation at hand, and he wished he could pull her away and ask her why she was talking to Nik, talking to him like they already knew one another. Isaac wished he could warn her to stay away, though in reality she probably wouldn’t listen to him anyways. “What I meant was, it was a good relationship while it lasted. But yes, Riley does have a good sense of humor at times.” Isaac stared at Nik, wondering what was happening between these two. He had a feeling, but god he hoped that he wasn’t right. Riley didn’t really stoop herself to the level of this scumbag did she?Isaac tried not to laugh at the ‘trap’ that Nik had set up for him, instead making it look like he was seriously considering what he had said. Did anyone really believe the bullshit that came out of Nik’s mouth? Well it seemed like Riley was, it he really couldn’t believe that she liked this guy. It was the only explanation as to why Riley hadn’t noticed that he was no good, constantly toying with the feelings of the girls on campus just to get them in his bed. Isaac sat there letting his smile turn into a slight frown, “Though you’re mother may be right, I don’t regret the choices we made. Obviously Riley and I weren’t made for each other.” Isaac didn’t want to be rude to Riley, she was a smart girl but he wasn’t hung up on her, nor did he wish they were still together. They were better off without each other. Even now as friends they barely talked. Wow, she actually said that, it basically confirmed what Isaac had picked up on when they sat there together. There was something between these two. He had walked into something that one could consider being a ‘couples quell.’ These two were already together, or had been together and now just having trouble. Isaac didn’t know if he could stomach the thought anymore, Riley going for the guy that she should stay away from. Isaac laughed lightly mostly to himself. He thought she would be smart enough to stay away from a guy with a reputation like Nik, obviously Nik was better at what he did then Isaac had believed he was. Perhaps one day soon Isaac could expect a phone call from Riley venting about the guy, he doubted it, she barely did that anymore. Isaac picked up his coffee standing up. Looking down at his watch for the time, he had time before his next class but he didn’t want to waste it here in the presence of these two. Isaac didn’t want to have to stomach the thought of Nik with Riley any longer. At least of he didn’t see it he wouldn’t have to think about it. “Well I have class,” Isaac lied giving the two a quick glance. “See you around Riley…have nice day Nik.” He hoped he wouldn’t have to see the guy again anytime soon, and if it was up to Isaac to do Nik’s testing next time at the hospital he’d make sure to remember today. Isaac slung his bag back onto his shoulder before making his way out of the shop heading back to the health sciences building. His expression neutral as he tried to not think about those two being together. TAG: our rag tag group of non-friends WORDS:929 &nbsp; &nbsp; WEARING:___ NOTE: I'm an idiot sorry it took so long!

try to see in the dark,

I've waited hours for this, I've made myself so sick. I wish I'd stayed asleep today, I never thought this day would end. I never thought tonight could ever be This close to me. Just try to see in the dark, Just try to make it work, To feel the fear before you're here. I make the shapes come much too close, I pull my eyes out, Hold my breath, And wait until I shake But if I had your faith, Then I could make it safe and clean. If only I was sure, That my head on the door was a dream.

why had he initiated this conversation? it would have been so much easier to have just avoided riley's eyes and pretended not to see her, kind of in a similar manner to the way that she had seemed to be avoiding him since they hooked up. and that was nik's usual fashion anyways, wasn't it? whatever urged had first impelled him to come sit here and had gotten him into this mess had vanished and had been replaced by a wearied tiredness. he just wanted an answer- was that too much to ask for?

apparently not, so long as isaac were here. nik stifled the intense urge to roll his eyes. he didn't care what isaac had to say about his past relationship with riley- obviously it hadn't worked out. he didn't need the older boy to spell that out for him when the proof was right in front of his eyes and had been in his bed not too many nights before. with that thought, he couldn't help but let out a brief snicker, completely out of context to the conversation at large. realizing what it would come off as, he tried to cover it up by hastily searching for some sort of response that wouldn't make him come off as a total asshole. it wasn't that he cared what isaac thought about him, more just that he knew that the stupid reality show thrived off moments like this and if everybody saw proof that he actually was an asshole instead of just assuming it, it would thwart a lot of hard work that he'd put into getting where he was now. so he bit back the numerous sarcastic responses to the pair sitting at the table with him and just managed to get out with a straight face, "i'm sure that it was a wondrous short-lived blaze of glory."

well, so much for quelling his inherent sarcastic nature.

right. isaac and riley hadn't been made for each other. he knew that much. he didn't know what else was supposed to be implied in that comment because it sure as hell wasn't that nik and riley were- he didn't actually know isaac that well but he knew that admitting something like that would be like admitting defeat to somebody like nik, who the other boy clearly saw as inferior to himself for whatever reason. and apparently isaac could pull the stick up his ass out for long enough to care about being better than him. besides, even if isaac were trying to imply that, nik didn't believe it. he didn't know two people more wrong for each other than he and riley were. yet here he was, sitting across from her, trying to make things right between them because… because he cared? that couldn't be right. nik didn't ever really care about anything except his own personal gain. in that light, it made sense that he would want to right things with riley, right? because it helped him? these thoughts troubled him, so he attempted to push them out of his head by focusing on what riley was saying.

nik felt an unbidden smile slip onto his face as riley's words registered, quickly replaced by a satisfied smirk as he glanced at isaac to try to gauge his reaction. he tried to ignore the basic sense of lightness that had sprung up in his chest with her statement- where was it coming from? it must have been just the basic feeling of superiority that nik always felt after gaining an upper hand over anybody. and yet, there was an irking thought in the back of his mind prompting him to think that it was something else, something having to do with the fact that riley had expressed the desire to… not stay away from him. despite her ignoring him and her seeming to want nothing to do with him, it was impossible to deny that it felt really good to know that that wasn't actually how she felt. as he shifted his gaze back to riley, he felt that same stupid grin slipping back onto his face- and it only grew broader as isaac's only seeming response was to stand up to leave. what a wonderful turn of events. nik couldn't help but let the seemingly infectious good mood that had started spreading from the time riley had spoke up again to seep into his response as he nodded up at isaac. "so soon? i was coming to appreciate your company. have fun in class!"

he watched isaac disappear, unable to feel disappointed in the other boy's sudden absence. it was about damn time. however, the buoyant feeling decreased slightly as he turned back to riley, realizing that they were now alone. and that meant that maybe they had come back to their original conversation, the one that he'd originally intended to have when he'd first sat down. but now he didn't really know what to say. everything that he'd been planning was kind of a moot point now that they'd established that she didn't hate him and wasn't planning on ignoring him for the rest of the night. all the same, nik felt confident that they both realized that whatever came next for them, it wasn't going to be easy to just move on- nik knew that he carried baggage everywhere he went and he had a suspicion that riley was similar to him in that respect. so for one of the first times in his life, nik tried to speak without being completely sure of what he was going to say. scratching the back of his neck slightly as he chose his words, nik decided to turn it back on riley to say her piece first- he sounded very much like the confused nineteen year-old hat he was when he spoke, rather than the confident young man that he usually attempted to be. "well. that was kind of awkward… so. what now?"

this is for riley/christine [and isaac/nick.] this post is 995 words. banner credit to myself. ugh nik could never actually hurt her.

TILLIE AT CAUTION <3

.actualpost::-webkit-scrollbar { height: 100px; width:7px; }.actualpost::-webkit-scrollbar-thumb {background: #b2ec5f; width:7px; height:10px; } #pinfo {position:absolute; left:-80px; top:70px;}#pinfo ul {list-style-type:none; text-align:left;}#pinfo li{opacity:0.8;width:200px; -webkit-transition: all 1s linear; background-color:#242424; margin-bottom:2px; color:#fff; font:15px 'open sans condensed'; padding:2px 0px 2px 10px} #pinfo li:hover {width:250px; opacity:1;}tag: the dysfunctional musketeerswords: 805notes: I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONGAs you turn, you take your heart and walk away and it's falling down, as you walk away It felt as if the weight of the world was being lifted off of her shoulders. A little dramatic, maybe, but Isaac had put her in an incredibly awkward situation. She couldn't just blurt out-with Isaac there-that she hadn't meant to hurt Nik. No, because admitting that would invite Isaac into her personal business. There was a reason she kept people out of her business, a reason behind her madness of keeping people at arms length. Even though she and Isaac had dated, it hadn't meant that she would allow him any closer to her than anyone else. He was nice, but he had never given her the attention she so desperately craved. Finally, as he turned his back to leave, Riley could feel herself breathing once more. She hadn't quite realized that she had been holding her breath, but the slip of air out of her mouth reminded her that she was still alive. Riley nodded her head in reply and focused her attention back on Nik. The situation hadn't gotten any better and her nerves hadn't subsided. Riley took another breath, something that was beginning to become more difficult as the moments passed. She didn't know how to start the conversation back up; It truly had been unfortunate that Isaac had decided to drop in. Luckily, however, his presence was short lived.But even that didn't solve her problem.Riley folded her hands on the table, her eyes darting from the salt shaker to her drink to her hands and back again. It wasn't like her to be so nervous, but it wasn't like she was used to admitting feelings or apologizing. In fact, Riley had always been at the opposite end of the apology - the one receiving a 'sorry for cheating on you'. So she wasn't quite used to the one extending an attempt to make things right. How could she make things right? She hadn't exactly been graceful in her retreat or in her actions afterwards. Riley didn't have an excuse for it either, she really didn't. "I guess I owe you an apology." She knew that that wasn't exactly an apology all on it's own, that it needed more. What she didn't know, however, was what exactly to say. She wasn't one for emotions or for extended points of conversation, but she felt like she needed more in order to make things right. "I just, I got scared." And I ran. She couldn't quite get herself to admit that. She pitied Nik, in the end, for falling for a broken thing like herself. She never understood how boys could fall head-over-heels for her or how her own baby sister could love her. Sure, she tried her best, but her best wasn't always good enough. In fact, it never was. There was a part of her that hoped that maybe, just maybe, this time she would be enough. But that was just wishful thinking-something that Riley had gotten over when she was much younger. Her mother had built her world on dreams and fairytales and kept her daughter away from the harsh reality. She had to learn the hard way that people weren't exactly built of sunshine and rainbows. And even if Nik wasn't made of fluffy things, he had managed to win over part of her heart. Her friends often regaled stories of falling in love and what it felt like and Riley had never truly believed them. But knowing that Nik was upset actually made her feel a lot worse than she had originally imagined. She wouldn't say that she was in love, but Riley knew that there was definitely something between her and Nik - something that she had never felt with any other boy."It was really shitty of me and I-I-" Riley began to nudge at her coffee cup, empty now, before looking back up at Nik. She couldn't gauge his emotions, his reactions, his thoughts, his anything. And she was normally pretty good at that. Nik had suddenly become a closed book to her, someone that she couldn't figure out. It was like the morning she left was coming back to her; The fear was beginning to swell in her stomach once more and she could feel herself searching for a way out.But there was no way out. Not this time. What troubled her the most, she realized, was not that she was trapped, but that she was okay with it. Riley used the moments in between her half-hearted speech and Nik's answer to collect herself. Whatever he would say in reply would dictate the direction of their relationship. Well, if there was even going to be a relationship. Riley wasn't quite sure if, in the end, he would ever trust her to stay.©rachel

try to see in the dark,

I've waited hours for this, I've made myself so sick. I wish I'd stayed asleep today, I never thought this day would end. I never thought tonight could ever be This close to me. Just try to see in the dark, Just try to make it work, To feel the fear before you're here. I make the shapes come much too close, I pull my eyes out, Hold my breath, And wait until I shake But if I had your faith, Then I could make it safe and clean. If only I was sure, That my head on the door was a dream.

nik pursed his lips lightly as riley talked, the tips of his fingers continuing to trace circles on the rim of his half-full coffee mug, feigning less interest than he actually had. in reality, he was listening acutely to every word and trying to read into them, far more deeply than he would have cared to admit. he just wanted to know why he'd woken up to an empty bed when he was the one who usually abandoned them and why his heart seemed to be beating strongly enough to burst through his chest at any moment while he waited for a response.

this was utterly stupid. why did he care? he shouldn't have cared. he never cared. and yet he felt his heart give a small leap and his eyebrows shoot up when riley said that she owed him an apology. that was unexpected, to say the least. maybe it was because he himself never apologized for anything, let alone something as trivial as waking up first and leaving after hooking up, but he couldn't really understand her need to apologize. yeah, it was really nice to know that she realized that his frustration was justified and didn't have some self-righteous theory about how she was in the right. but it still wasn't motivated by anything that nik himself had ever really felt, so he didn't really get it. when she said that she got scared though… that surprised him. what was she scared of? him? that seemed unlikely. nik knew that he came off as an ass at times but most of the time he felt that he came off as the amiable guy he tried to be- and certainly not an intimidating one. or not scared of him- scared of the implications of what they'd done? come on, that couldn't be it. sleeping with somebody didn't mean you were going to have to marry them or any shit like that.

but even as this thought crossed his mind, a quieter but more sincere one flitted across the back of his mind that he understood that sentiment. because he'd felt the same thing. because he thought that he, the kid who'd never formed any meaningful attachments in his life, that he might actually have some unbidden desire to have some sort of relationship with riley. and that scared the living shit out of him.

as he listened to her trail off, nik stared into his coffee cup like it held all the answers to his questions. and maybe it did, but he just didn't speak the right language. he bit his lower lip to keep it from twitching like it always did when he was thinking deeply. he knew what was supposed to happen next. he was supposed to say something that would either confirm that she should have been scared and that he was just going to hurt her, even if he let her down easily, or he was supposed to take some sort of leap of faith. and nik knew instinctively that whatever choice he made, he would be able to pass off as a choice that he'd made with some certainty. he'd been lying through his teeth convincingly since he was able to know the difference between truth and lies- nothing that he would say here would be any different. but that didn't really help because there was still the question at the root of it all: what did he want to do?

nik wasn't a relationship guy. he didn't fall in love, he didn't even fall in lust. he kept people at an arm's length, under his microscope and close enough to understand them but no closer. he didn't trust himself to do anything differently with riley even if the voice that just wouldn't leave said that he wanted to- and wanted to badly. but what else was he going to do? push her away and permanently ruin any chance of returning some semblance of normalcy to their relationship? he couldn't do that. he didn't want to do that. and yet, the balance that he did want to strike was no longer an option. he had to choose. looking up at riley, catching her brown eyes, suddenly remembering very vividly when he'd looked into him the other night… nik realized that even if he wasn't completely sold on the idea himself, there was only one thing that he could do.

"riley, look," nik started slowly, being very careful to choose his words carefully but to speak with confidence, sounding more assured of his choice than he actually was. he couldn't help but let a small smile tu at the corners of his mouth as he continued though. "i've done some stuff that's… a lot worse. and maybe it's not a great start to anything. but…" nik paused, pursing his lips and trying to figure out what he was going to say. he'd never done this before- he'd said what people wanted to hear many times, but he didn't know what riley wanted to hear. and he was putting a lot more owness on his words than usual, since he cared a lot more than usual about the outcome of this conversation. it didn't help that he knew that he really needed to get to class and didn't have all day to sit around talking. so, he took a deep breath and pushed on. "but i don't want to be mad at you. it's been no time and i already miss talking to you. i want to make… this, whatever this is, i want to try to make it work."

was that the right thing to say? it sounded incredibly chick-flicky to his ears and he was worried that it wouldn't fool anybody, let alone somebody as perceptive as riley. but he removed one hand from his coffee cup, briefly letting it rest on hers before moving it to the bag beside his chair. "don't worry about it, okay? let's just… put this behind us and move forward, okay?" well. that was the best that he could do, at least for now. she could either take it or leave it but whatever she chose, he didn't have time to stick around to find out. standing out of his chair and letting a genuine smile slip onto his face. "i'll call you?"

with that, nik threw his bag over his shoulder and exited caffeinds- it was the best he could do. whether it was good enough for riley, only time would tell.

this is for riley/christine. this post is 1086 words. banner credit to myself. i kind of muddled through this and used a little assumption in order to just wrap this up so we can move forward, and maybe it's a little jump but yeah… hope that's okay?

TILLIE AT CAUTION <3