Search "13th Labour":

Powered by OhNoRobot.com


zIFBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Fully Featured & Customizable Free Forums

Learn More · Register for Free
Welcome to 13thlabour. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Name:   Password:


 

 Positive Reinforcement
Joey
Posted: Apr 25 2006, 01:56 PM


Rank: High Priest
*

Group: Members
Posts: 680
Member No.: 4
Joined: 26-January 05



Don't take my advice in the wrong way. YOu are VERY talented, and I think you have a good sense of humor too. THe problem isn't with you having a lack of talent, I think it's with a lack of self esteem.

You keep telling yourself that you don't have artistic talent...that you aren't a good writer...etc, etc, etc.

NONE of that is true. You're early work shows a brillance and a view on the world that's uniquely yours. GO BACK TO THAT. And show conflict. THere's not enough conflict, something that can wreck a persons life style conflict. If you can do that you'll be back on track. Don't worry about the comedy or the art or anything else, that will follow
Top
limmortal
Posted: Apr 25 2006, 04:27 PM


Emu Administrator
*

Group: Admin
Posts: 723
Member No.: 1
Joined: 24-January 05



I think there's conflict in the current storyline. For Theo, it's definitely of wreck-the-life possibility. If Jordan strangles him to death, his life is wrecked.

My idea for the current storyline was to show the status quo for Jordan, Andrei, and Odeda. They've got an alternative lifestyle that closely resembles the little-house-with-a-white-picket-fence thing going on.

I probably made a mistake not stating up front that Andrei wanted to propose to Jordan (formal proposition of promising to get engaged as soon as they graduate in two years). There should at least have been a moment of him looking at engagement rings. How do I break myself out of that mindset? I can't do overt foreshadowing. Help!

On the other hand, it's not going to come as a complete shock to anyone, right?
Top
Joey
Posted: Apr 26 2006, 02:33 PM


Rank: High Priest
*

Group: Members
Posts: 680
Member No.: 4
Joined: 26-January 05



Remember, the audience doesn't know as much about your characters as you.
Top
limmortal
Posted: Apr 26 2006, 04:37 PM


Emu Administrator
*

Group: Admin
Posts: 723
Member No.: 1
Joined: 24-January 05



I know. And that should never change, right? Am I supposed to remember it for something specific relating to what I said?

The complete shock thing?

What bout such statements as "Romantic . . . getaway . . . disappearing" and the fact that they're apparently sleeping together (see first appearance of Andrei). Would the average reader not be able to tell they're quite close? They do dishes together!
Top
Joey
Posted: Jul 18 2006, 06:47 PM


Rank: High Priest
*

Group: Members
Posts: 680
Member No.: 4
Joined: 26-January 05



What you convey about your characters needs to be CLEAR. That was my point.

Don't assume your readers know the intentions of a character.
Top
limmortal
Posted: Jul 19 2006, 05:07 PM


Emu Administrator
*

Group: Admin
Posts: 723
Member No.: 1
Joined: 24-January 05



Where do I need clarity and where subtlety?

Should I do more tell-not-show? (When I get around to critiquing yours, that's going to be a major thing I deal with.)
Top
Joey
Posted: Jul 22 2006, 03:33 PM


Rank: High Priest
*

Group: Members
Posts: 680
Member No.: 4
Joined: 26-January 05



My point was your characters sometimes don't seem to have any motivation, as ifthey do everything jsut to do it.
Top
limmortal
Posted: Oct 18 2006, 05:07 PM


Emu Administrator
*

Group: Admin
Posts: 723
Member No.: 1
Joined: 24-January 05



Hmm, yes, well, maybe. If you say so.

After consideration, I think I need to pick a person who gives everything heshe knows to the reader. No secrets. I think the person should be not necessarily either the protagonist or the antagonist. It would be easier to do it as thought processes, which explains why no one else knows some of these things. It should be someone observant, so we pick up information about everyone, not just that character. And probably someone who has very little information about himerself (yet) to complicate matters. One possibility is a narrator - just words out of the blue. Another might be Sam. Or Glenn. I don't think I trust Jordan or Uri to be aware enough of other people.

Maybe just have some thought-panels so we can figure out what's going on! It's descending into tell-not-show, but maybe I should practise with simple matters for a while before trying to polish the better read. Everyone can be their own narrator, and things can slow down a bit.

Did I give you a copy of Glenn's conversation with King Rudolph? I can't find it.

I bet King Rudolph is related to the Bains.
Top
Joey
Posted: Dec 1 2006, 05:27 PM


Rank: High Priest
*

Group: Members
Posts: 680
Member No.: 4
Joined: 26-January 05



I don't believe you ever gave me the conversation.
Top
limmortal
Posted: Dec 4 2006, 01:41 AM


Emu Administrator
*

Group: Admin
Posts: 723
Member No.: 1
Joined: 24-January 05



Well, you now have access to it, as it has been drawn and added to the archives.
Top
DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you

Topic Options



Hosted for free by zIFBoards* (Terms of Use: Updated 2/10/2010) | Powered by Invision Power Board v1.3 Final © 2003 IPS, Inc.
Page creation time: 0.0347 seconds · Archive